Sparkling - 501 Reviews

Dear Readers,
I am a slacker and I am waaaaayyyy behind the times. This summer Polar released their Seltzer'ade line and here I sit in autumn's grasp and I have only reviewed one of them. To be fair, the blueberry lemonade was the only one of the five flavors that I actually saw in the stores around Buffalo during the actual summer. Now that a Whole Foods finally opened here a couple of weeks ago I was able to pick up some cases of three of the remaining flavors (the tart cherry is still elusive). Summer may be behind us, but I certainly hope Polar leaves these available all year around. As much as I hate to admit it, they are superior to the classic Polar flavors that I live off of. The flavors are way more pronounced, to an extent that several times I have found myself checking to make sure there isn't any sugar involved (there isn't).

I would best describe the watermelon lemonade as someone dissolved a handful of Jolly Ranchers in a glass of carbonated water, and then somehow removed all the sugar. It doesn't taste particularly like an actual watermelon, but it is uncannily similar to the pre mentioned candy without the sweetness. That blows my mind because that candy is probably 99% sugar, yet this tastes exactly like it.

This particular flavor isn't something I would drink all of the time, but I wish I would have had it during the summer. I also think this line is the key to weening children off soda. Slowly replace their soda with cans of this and they will be off the sugar in no time, to the dismay of the Dental Association of America.

Here we have it, the fourth and final Seltzer Jr flavor of the season (Also the first one released last year that I couldn't get my hands on). The season is ending the hot weather is gone and fall is rolling right in. Should I have reviewed this when the weather was still nice and you were still able to find this on the shelves? Of course I should have, but life gets hectic and the 1 minutes that it's going to take me to write this were too much to spare between hanging out in the woods and reading comics (and work and travelling). Did I drink a bunch of these and not write about it for about a month? You can bet your kids on it. Let's be honest here, this was a limited line and there was no way that Polar wasn't going to sell out of it. They barely lasted a week at my grocery store in Buffalo. They didn't need my help pushing the product. They were kind enough to send me some samples before they made their way to the Western NY market though, which was very kind of them. We have nothing but love for Polar here at Thirsty Dudes. We just tend to be lazy sometimes. We do this for fun, and that's that.
It turns out that a unicorn's diet mostly consists of cucumbers because that is what this slobbery kiss tastes like. I also detect a bit of melon in there. On top of that it's all candied up, even though there is no sugar. At first I was so-so on this one, but once I realized it was cucumber my interests rose.Well done Polar. Can't wait until next summer.

Just as these were popping up on shelves around Buffalo, they were already on their way out. I was able to get these in my hometown for less than a week before they disappeared from the shelves of my local Wegmans. To be fair, that may have been for the best. While I've enjoyed all four of the Seltzer Jr flavors, I couldn't see myself continuously buying them. They are a nice fun treat, but not something that I need all the time (my vanilla and cranberry lime still reign supreme).

What does it taste like when a yeti gets itself in some troubled fun? Well, it kind of tastes like fruit punch flavored Sprite with the sugar left out, at least to me. If you read other reviews on the internet people seem to be all over the place with what they think this tastes like. It would be interesting to see what Polar had intended the flavor to be.

This here was the pinnacle of the beverage experience in Iceland, and it is made by a company from the UK, whose other flavors are readily available back home. Not only was it the best thing I drank on this trip (well actually the tap water might have been, it was the cleanest and crispest I have ever tasted), it is definitely now my favorite flavor in the Fentiman's line. It is light, floral, and wonderful. It is closer to a seltzer than a soda, and that will get no complaints from me. Actually my only complaints are that it wasn't served to me in a bathtub sized container that I could sip on for hours and since that didn't happen, that I can't find it back home. This is a flavor that Americans are not used to, and that I do not know if many would enjoy. It's not loaded with garbage sweeteners and as I said it does have a slightly floral taste. I could see a stereotypical version of my countryman saying that they “don't want to drink a garden.” Well, they would be wrong, because this is one of the best things I have drunk in a long time.

Round two of the Polar Seltzer Jr line. I had heard that one of these was supposed to taste like Swedish Fish and as soon as I popped this open I knew I had struck gold. The scent is an exact match for one of my favorite candies. The idea that I could have that in liquid form, minus all the sugar had me drooling like my cat when I pick him up and he goes limp. I guess I should have known this would be the one by the name and that the mermaid's tails on the can definitely resemble Swedish Fish.

Upon taking a sip, I realized that the sought after flavor could not be really achieved without sugar. It kind of tastes like the candy, but all of the boldness is lost. It is still very good, but it is certainly not liquid Swedish Fish. The more I hold it in my mouth and swish it around the more I can taste it, but if you weren't thinking that it would probably just have a fruity berry flavor to it.

Last year, for an extremely limited time, Polar released the flavor Unicorn Kisses. We weren't as vigilant as we should have been and it passed right by us. Even our clot (which, you know…€¦we have very little) could get us some from Polar direct; they were plum out. This year Unicorn Kisses is back and it brought three other friends with it. This year we were also more on top of things and Polar sent us some samples. Not only do they make wonderful product, but they are also great humans, who understand my needs for weird seltzer and are kind enough to accommodate me (minus the fact that vanilla is still not available in cans).

The first of these four magical flavors, which I believe are aimed towards kids because of their names and the line being called “Seltzer Jr,” is Dragon Whispers. I would expect such a thing to taste of smoke and cinders, but I don't think children, nor would anyone enjoy a liquid smoke seltzer. I suppose it's lucky for us all that Polar decided to go in a different direction.
Smell wise this reminds me of something like Pixie Stix or Sweetarts. That is very strange because a sweetener-less beverage smells like products that are mostly sugar. It's also odd because that is what Red Bull style energy drinks smell like to me. SO yeah, it smells like them, minus the chemical undertones. From the smell I really didn't know what to expect. My taste buds were awaiting an overload of sweetness, but my mind knew that wouldn't be the case. The reality is that it tastes like an unsweetened tropical fruit punch. I was hoping for something a little stranger, but it was quite pleasant and I could see myself drinking a bunch of this

I feel like there are going to be a lot of people who taste different things in this beverage. It's a social experiment that I enjoy.

My life runs on Polar. I'm pretty sure that by my life running on it, it by default means that the (assumingly) homeless women, who I leave my cans and bottles for, also has her life run by it. Okay, not run, but she probably makes enough from me in a week to get a sandwich or two. I drink far too much of the stuff, well if that were possible. I went from cans, to liters, and have graduated to two liters, because there just that much more for me to consume.

When I saw this in the store, I really thought it was a repackaging of their bottles blueberry lemonade. I bought a box anyway, because I like to have some cans for when I'm out and about. People look at you weird when you're in public drinking directly from a big bottle, yet they walk around with gigantic fountain sodas and think nothing off it. Whatever. So I bought it, cooled them down and then drank one on my way to band practice. Now I love Polar, but they are not the most flavorful seltzer out there. Either La Croix or Spindrift probably has that honor. They all have their place; sometimes you want more, sometimes less. This though, this has a punch to it. The flavor in here is probably the strongest out of the Polar flavors I have tried, which is all of them, minus some seasonal ones I missed. It's wonderful and bold. It's to an extent that you forget that there is no sweetener involved. I need to back and try the bottled version again. I'm pretty sure this is reformulated, but I hope I'm wrong and it's as glorious in a bottle as it is in these cans.

I enjoy Spindrift's stuff. I've had a bunch of it and it's nice to see it come here (Buffalo) so that it makes it easier to get. It's like a seltzer for people who want things a little more juice and less seltzer. It's kind of a mild difference but it's there and you can tell even if you can't put your finger on exactly what it is. This has a taste you have to either just like or get used to, though. It's not like a seltzer in that it's bright and bubbly so don't go in head first and expect it. It's got something else that, like I said, I can't pinpoint exactly what it is.

As far as the taste, it's an accurate raspberry and lime flavor. Evenly flavored and not messed around with other sweeteners or ingredients. It's a nice, bare bones drink that could be a nice alternative to your seltzer habit which I can stop at any time, mom, jeez! Get off my back already.

I do not know what a margarita is aside from a drink that my live-in-wife likes to order as a "salty marg." This did taste like watermelon, or, perhaps closer to a watermelon candy (somehow) without sugar. Could you imagine eating watermelon that wasn't sweet? That would be a strange thing. Watermelons are very sweet. This was not at all sweet and as far as I could tell, also not salty. I don't know what this is, to be quite honest. Sparkling watermelon perhaps. The margarita might just be a word they used to append to the end.

This is not bad and it's far from my least favorite but it's not bad. It's unfortunately not one of the ones I would come back to actively. There are times when I go to parties and think to myself, "Well the kids will have juice boxes and the adults will have beers so it looks like it's another Polar for me." and that's how I roll to parties. I might roll with this. It's safe but it's not exceptional.

You know in the Declaration of Independence where it says “We hold these truths to be self-evident?” Well, all seltzers being created equal was most definitely not one of those truths that our Founding Fathers were referring to. It's probably because it's not a truth at all. It's a flat out lie. Sure 90% of the seltzer waters out there are created equally, but then there is the other 10% who rise above and boy do they shine. I've drunk a lot of grapefruit seltzer over the past few years and I have to tell you, this is #1 with a bullet. The secret to its success is really no secret at all; there is 8% juice in this can, which equates to 3g of sugar. I'll take that tradeoff for a far superior beverage. It's like your dear grandmamma squeezed her morning grapefruit into a glass of sparkling water. Juice is the key to a lot of things in this life. I've never been in a situation where real juice has made anything taste worse. Take note…€¦.well…€¦everyone.

I shouldn't like this. Cracking open this can should be a one way ticket to Boringville, USA. In my world lemon is overrated and unnecessary. I would rather drink plain water than with a slice of lemon in it. Somehow I find this quite refreshing though. Perhaps it's because the lemon taste it more upfront. Sure, it only has 5% lemon juice, but I assure you that lemon water you get at a restaurant probably have less than .5% juice. If there were sugar in this I would even call it a lemonade. It's simple. It's clean. It's a little bit of alright. It may not take you to Flavortown, but it would take less time to get there than to Boringville.

What are we celebrating? Did someone get a raise? Did someone get fired? Was it Carol? I never liked her anyhow. Oh, she's still here? Oh, she actually got a raise? Oh, she's standing right behind me? Does she look mad? She does? Oh. Well. I guess I'll have to face this like a man. Hello, Carol. It's so nice to see you. Lovely day outside, isn't it? Did you get your hair done? You didn't? You actually have baby puke in your hair? I thought someone was eating cottage cheese. Congratulations on your raise. You are a hard worker and it's good to see all your hard work didn't go unnoticed, which is more than I can say for myself.

I've brought these celebratory drinks. They taste like a mimosa made with orange juice and non-alcoholic champagne sweetened with Erytritol, you know, to keep it diet. It tastes fine but that artificial sweetener is really prominent as if to scream to the world and make it as apparent as possible that you're on a diet. No, I didn't say it looked like you had to go on a diet. No I didn't say that I didn't like you. I said...I said I didn't like "shoes." I didn't like your shoes. I don't like your shoes, Carol. They're just too cool. "Too Cool Carol" is what I'm going to call you. You're making the rest of us look bad, Carol. Everyone hates you because you're too cool. Look out everyone, "Too Cool Carol" is coming through with her baby puke shirt and cool shoes and a raise. Look out! Everyone get out of the way.

It's the time of year again when the sun is finally starting to shine in Buffalo and the temperatures are on the rise. That also means that it's time for Polar to release their Summer line and this year it's a doozy. Some old favorites like Mango Berry are back, but more importantly are the new flavors like this little guy right here. I don't know who the genius is that thought this up, but I would certainly like to shake their hand, scratch that…€¦give them a huge hug of thanks.

I never knew that pineapple was a flavor that I was missing from seltzer, but now that I have it I don't think I'll ever be able to look back. This is really 85% pineapple 15% grapefruit. I'm completely fine with that ratio. It could have been 100% pineapple and I wouldn't have complained, but as it is the grapefruit rounds out the edges a bit. The amount of this I will be drinking this summer is out of control. If Polar really wants all of my money they will make a pineapple vanilla. I would pre-order case upon case of it.

Orange and mango are good buds. They're arguably both orange. That lumps them into that category. Really, that's it. They're also just a good pair. This tastes more like orange juice than a 50/50 split. I'd happily give it 75/25 if we're going to put numbers on it.

This was given to my mammy as a way to promote the product. Well, they didn't know who her son was. Most people don't. I am but a man. A sexy, attractive, talented, man of a man. A man who decided to spend the last seven years writing crud about drinks. This being one of them. What do I have to say about it? It's good. Simple as that. Personally I like the other Izze drinks because they're lighter and simpler. This is...not thicker...but denser. It's a sparkling juice. They call it like a sparkling soda, water and juice simultaneously and it is all of them and it is one of them. Is it confusing? No. You know why? Who is going to fight over what this is. Whatever it is, it's sparkling and fruity and drinkable. Don't put baby in the corner. Just drink it.

Most seltzers/sparkling waters keep things simple with just carbonated water and some sort of flavoring, usually under the umbrella of “natural flavoring.” Who knows what those natural flavors are? They could be any sort of weirdness that exists in nature, but has a similar taste to the flavor the company is trying to put forth. Who is to say that snail spit doesn't taste like blackberries?

Spindrift lets you know what you are getting, and I feel that due to the percentage listed they use more of it than most companies, which is apparent also in the taste. This can says it contains 7” juice and that comes from the “fresh orange juice” and “alphonso mango puree” listed in the ingredients. Sure that little bit of juice gives you 1g of sugar per can, but isn't they tiny amount worth knowing what's in your drink let alone how superior it tastes. It still very much tastes like a seltzer and not a sparkling juice, and that is the way it should be in this beverage. Both orange and mango are present enough to be noticed and taste real, but still faint enough to drink it without thinking about it.

Germany may have Club Mate, but Canada now has Matero. Both are yerba mate sodas and both are phenomenal. I really wish I had a Club Mate here so I could do a side by side taste test. In my memory this tastes extremely similar, but I want to say that Matero may be a bit better. Mainly because I think it tastes a little less sweet. I love every sip of this. I'm well aware that this isn't for everyone. In fact, I think a majority of the population would turn their nose up at this, but those people are fools. Just because something isn't like a “normal” soda doesn't make it bad. I would definitely rather drink this over most sodas. It's just carbonated yerba mate tea with a little cane sugar in it. It packs a nice punch caffeine-wise and it's all done naturally. In my dreams this company will trickle down over the border and take over drink coolers everywhere. I may have to go across an ocean to get Club Mate, but I just need to cross a border 15 minutes away to enter Canada to get more of these.

Hey, sir! I see you over there drinking your can of Squirt! You listen to me mister! You throw that can right in the trash. It no longer deserves your time. I'm sorry if I came across angry, but I guess it does anger me to watch people drink inferior soda when the quality stuff is available. Here, have a can of this Alta Palla. Now tell me person who I just met, who I will now call friend, is that or is it not the best can of grapefruit soda that has ever passed your lips? It's sweet, but still has the appropriate amount of bitterness. It tastes like dumping spoonfuls of sugar directly onto a grapefruit that has been cut in two. Part of me wishes there was a little less sugar in here, but then I think about how good as it tastes as it, and I'll deal with the extra calories. Now, get back to work! You don't get paid to talk to obviously crazy strangers on the sidewalk!

Can we take a moment out of our regularly scheduled beverage nonsense to discuss how Whole Foods has gone completely downhill? We don't have them here in Buffalo, but I've visited their stores a decent amount while I'm traveling. While I was never completely onboard with it, mostly due to the price, they were always a mecca of vegetarian prepared foods. I could walk up to the hot bar and have a selection of various delicious meals. While out on the west coast last month I stopped by two separate stores and it was dismal. The prepared foods sections were scaled back a lot more than I remember and other than salad stuff, there really weren't any veggie options other than lasagna. Both times I ended up getting soft pretzels and calling it a day. Of course they are finally opening one in my hometown and it will be essentially useless to me. Without the options what reason do I have to go there over the superior Wegmans, which is way cheaper? Oh yes, it is because of the beverage selection. There is always something new to me in the drink cooler at Whole Foods. This time around it was Alta Palla.

I grabbed this thinking it was a blood orange seltzer water (because it said sparkling). I cracked it open while I ate my pretzel and was nicely surprised to discover it was actually sweetened, but not ridiculously so. During my trip I was doing a lot of hiking, which led to me drinking a lot of water, and eating a whole lot of protein bars and eating trail mix a whole bunch. I didn't realize how much my body wanted this sugar until I drank this. It has an incredible blood orange flavor and it is in the same realm as San Pellegrino, only better. All I can say is that when that Whole Foods opens its doors in Buffalo they better have this in stock, because I want it and I want a lot of it.

Am I wrong in thinking that jamaica and hibiscus are the same thing (also sorrel)? I'm pretty sure they are the same. I would look it up, but I'm in Mexico and I don't have internet access. So I will assume they are one and the same. I'm not positive what nada is, but I think it's the same fruit as I bought from some cart earlier with chili powder and lime. At least that's what I think the vender said. My Spanish is minimal and a lot of people talk very fast down here. I digress; this is sparkling mineral water with juice added. It's fairly sweet and floral. I like it, but it was a bit much to get through the whole bottle. I kind of wish I had went with the lime instead. All I really want to consume down here involves limes. This has been a fairly uninformative review, but it's what you're going to get, because I don't know what else to say about it.

Recently I began what I believe to be a long and happy relationship with Topo Chico. I have no idea why I had never tried it before. I always see it in Mexican restaurants, but I never went for it and I am a fool for it. It's wonderful sparkling mineral water with a little citrus added to it. I recently went to Mexico on tour and I knew I would see/drink a lot of it, and I was very excited. Little did I know that this lime variety existed and I tell you it is a game changer. This is exactly like the original, but better because of the lime instead of lemon. I'd love for everything that has lemon in the world be changed so that it included lime instead. It is the superior form of citrus.