Caveman Foods Black Pepper

I'm straight edge. I have been for well over ten years. I went to a health food store looking for some interesting drinks when I came across this. I though that a kefir and black pepper drink would be interesting so I bought it. I opened it up, didn't waste time smelling it, and took a nice sip. Gross. I took another sip because I didn't learn my lesson the first time. Ugh. Gross. This drink tastes like beer. It could not taste more like beer. It tastes so much like beer that I feel sick because I feel like I drank beer and broke edge. I have dreams about drinking where I feel this unfixable guilt like I lost a large portion of my life and my morals and I can never get them back. Now this is real life and I want to make myself throw up. I hate Caveman Foods for doing this to me. Why couldn't this just be black peppercorn flavored yogurt like I wanted it to be? Even my girlfriend who drinks beer said that it tasted just like Miller High Life.