Aloic - 1 Review

Summer is depressingly over. If you live where I live, you can essentially kiss the sun goodbye (great album name that is available with credit given to me) for the next six months. These are things we deal with on the East Coast. Oh it's bright and you still need sunglasses but you can't see the sun and need twelve jackets to fight the ice age that is northeast winters. It's fine. It's really no big deal.

Why do I bring up the sun and a paragraph of nothing before I review a drink? Well for two reasons mostly. Number one is that I'm trying to create a picture and a scene and number two is that we are terrible at writing drink reviews. You can't really say otherwise and if you do, well, thanks. You're too kind. Wrong, but kind. We're narrative masterminds but we are not product reviews.

So aloe is used to cure us from the sun's lashings upon our fair skin. Human skin was made for holding in our muscles, guts, and organs. "Guts" might be slang for organs so I might have just said the same thing twice but I didn't want to leave anyone out. Now that the sun isn't out we can't get burnt, the role of aloe turns from topical to internal usage. That's right. Aloe drinks are winter drinks to prep our skin from the inside out to prepare it for the emergence of the sun come April. What better way to do it that with the help of Aloic? It's not overly sweet, still has a ton of chunks, and that grapy taste that anyone who likes grape juice or has drank an aloe drink in the past loves. The sweetness part is the item that gets my love. That is a problem I have with a lot of aloe drinks is that they are too sweet. Good, but too sweet. This solves that problem in a delicious, chunky way.

I can feel my skin tightening and toughening up as I drink this. Every sip is one more day I don't have to wear sunscreen, a safari hat, and pants in the summer to protect me from that jerk sun. I appreciate all that you do what with annually burning my lawn and killing my flowers with your relentless rays, but sometimes you can be a real turd. Just tone it down a little bit. Go hide behind the clouds and read a nudie mag or something so we can stop fertilizing and melting.