Blue Buddha - 3 Reviews

Enough. Enough, I say. Things have gotten out of control in my kingdom. I leave for two weeks with the queen to the seaside and when I return things are in shambles. I left all of you in charge and you have forsaken me. There are chickens running rampant for one. I stepped in chicken eggs and poop on my way up the stairs and there have never been chickens in the castle unless it was in the kitchen on their way to become dinner. The men are growing their hair out both on their heads and on their faces and they look like the cavemen that roamed our fine earth before us. More importantly, though, I would like to bring up someone's bright idea to marry our fine tea with flowers and sugar because they deserve to have their name and "guillotine" in the same sentence.

"What's wrong with it?" Well where do I start? It was a fine, red tea that we brought in from our trip to China to trade. The flowers, what did you say were in there? Chamomile and lavender? Look, the chamomile was fine. It was a nice relaxing tea but the lavender turned it into one of those baths that we take once a month. That or something we give the children to ease their throats when they are ill. That or a candle. Now all of these I could possibly take if it weren't for the sweetener that you have used. I have surveyed the sugar farmers and they said that they did use their sweetener but they also said that used something called Stevia. Now, I appreciate you using your skills as budding scientists to make new things but I might have to ratchet that down to things like alloys for armor and, I don't know, something crazy like air in the tires so that you don't feel every bump on those hard, wooden rims. It's too sweet and you know how I, the king, loves his sweets.

My faithful town, you have done me wrong and that is why the queen and I do not take trips. Now, to make things right, you must catch all the chickens, put most of them back in their cages and we shall have a triumphant feast in celebration of the dear queen and my return. That and that the food in Florida was quite bad.

We got some green teas. We got some blueberries. We got some cane juice crystals. We got some stevias. We got a whole bunch of other stuff too. Mix them all together and that that makes a good meal. That is if you are on a strict liquid diet. If not then it makes for a good beverage. Is it fair to say that I want to punch people in the throat who talk like that? I mean I would never actually hit them, but I find it infuriating. When I get to my boiling point, all I need to do is reach for one of these delicious iced teas and let the aggravation melt away. It's not a nice mild blueberry taste that accents the green tea. The stevia keeps to the peripheries. You can tell that it is there, but it's not right in your face. So it makes it an acceptable way to cut down on calories, as it doesn't detract from the taste of the beverage much at all. I mean I could still do without it, and have minimal to no sugar in here, but other people have different tastes, and I damn them everyday for it. Looks like I'm going to need another bottle.

It is a little known fact that in the offices of Blue Buddha they have a giant statue of the Buddha. I know that probably doesn't sound all that interesting, but I think you will change your tune, when I tell you that the insides of the statue are hollowed out, in order to make room for…€¦get this…€¦an iced tea dispenser. How cool is that? Oh you're offended? Well let me tell you this friend, iced tea is the key to my enlightenment, and I'm sure the Buddha is cool with me achieving it any way that I can. The gross part about all of this is that the only place they could think to have the tea come out of was the nose, everywhere else just made a mess. They are professional people, who entertain clients in their office, and a messy Buddha just wouldn't cut it.

So you're interested in trying their hibiscus raspberry tea, well then you'll step right up to the ole' enlightenment dispenser, place your cup under the nose, and pull the left earlobe. I said left! Great now you've got some raspberry lemon. No problem, I'll drink that one, you can get a new glass. What do you think? It's got a great flavor doesn't it? The hibiscus and raspberry blend in well together to create a slightly floral berry flavor that really isn't all that floral at all. In fact it's nearly perfect. It's really just a green tea, but since hibiscus is in the mix it can be called an herbal tea to make it seem fancier. Whatever you call it, it tastes wonderful.

The one thing that the folks at Blue Buddha wanted to get away from is the idea that you have to be fat like the Buddha in order to achieve enlightenment, so they mix in some stevia with the cane sugar. The result is only 8g of sugar in this whole bottle, and it doesn't taste very diet. If you didn't know, and we're familiar with stevia, you probably wouldn't even guess that there was a zero calorie sweetener involved at all. Low calorie drinks have come a long way since the days of aspartame.

Please don't stick your hand in the Buddha's mouth. It' the ice dispenser and it's very sensitive, we don't need your grimy hands monkeying up the works.