Chiquita - 3 Reviews

I don't know what it is about Chiquita. Their drinks are better than average and are 100% juice. There is just something missing that I can't put my finger on. Perhaps it's just that their flavors are tamer than I would like them to be. When I drink pineapple juice, I want to feel the acidity. Oddly enough that acidity is what keeps me from drinking it more often, but when I really want it, I want to feel it. This tastes like smooth pineapple. It almost tastes like pineapple smoothie, if it had the consistency of juice. This could easily have been made from the fruit-meat they removed from pineapples in order to turn them in to hats for dancing ladies (or men if they wanted to get down). It's all there, but it just doesn't hit me right where I want it to. It still gets a 4/5 bottle rating, which is not too shabby. I just want them to strive for the top. I'm always looking for perfect juice.

One of my favorite Simpson's moments is when they can't afford to pay their bill at a Mexican restaurant and are forced to perform as the band to work off their debt. The entire reason why I find this hilarious is that the restaurant owner says, “Your playing, while technically proficient, lacks passion.” That makes me lose it every time. This drink? This drink certainly does not lack passion (fruit), even though this is mostly apple juice and water. Even as a minority the passion fruit truly shines as the major player in this juice. At first I was shocked that I couldn't even taste the apple juice, as it normally jumps out at me when it's used as a filler, but the more I drank the more I became aware of it. It really tastes like an infinitely better version of cran-apple, you know with passion fruit instead of cranberries. I know that's dumb, but it has the same ratio of flavors and I love it.


It's crazy that with no added sweetener there is still 46g of sugar in here that are due to the fruit. That is so much natural sugar, but you know what? You're worth it.

I can't bring myself to give a juice that is not 100%...well juice a 5 bottle review, but this is right on that line.

Hey man, what the heck are you doing? You're making a huge mess. Yes I can see that you're cutting up a mango, but you're doing it all wrong. Do you realize how much fruit meat you're throwing out by cutting the skin off like that? That's at least ¼ of the fruit right in the filth bin, since you're a savage that doesn't compost. The secret is to use a potato peeler. It takes that skin right off, with minimal fruit loss. Then you cut up the rest of that little guy and enjoy away. Yeah, I know it's still a bit messy, but it's not nearly as bad. Hey, if you're just going to complain why are you even bothering? Just grab yourself a Chiquita Tropicals Mango juice. It tastes pretty similar to eating a fresh mango, and there is zero mess unless you're a slob who drools and dribbles it all over yourself. It's just water, mango, apple and lemon juice. Sure they are all from concentrate, but you wouldn't notice it by drinking it. It has a nice thick consistency and it tastes pretty darn fresh. True, there is a buttload of sugar in it, but it's all from fruit, so it's not absolutely horrible for you. Actually it's pretty darn healthy. When you go to the store, pick me up a couple of bottles as well, would you?