Death Valley - 2 Reviews

Death Valley gets a bad wrap. Whomever named it should go back to marketing school, assuming they didn't graduate, and try again because they forever blackened the name of that place. Look, sure, things happened, it's hot, it doesn't have a quenching water park, and there isn't a nice suburb filled with crap like Applebee's, TGI Friday's, and Joe's Crab Shack for families to go to on the weekend. I am no city planner but I can tell you that you don't need those things to make things happen. I do know you can't have a place called "Death Valley" and have it give off the "fun" vibe.

Here is a start. Everyone that crosses the border from outside to inside Death Valley gets a complimentary bottle of their root beer. This root beer has a fantastic, real vanilla taste that is with you on every sip and a nice, dark flavor throughout. Dark like Death Valley at night but cool, unlike Death Valley, like...ever.

This might have to be limited to one bottle per car as we are trying to fix the image of Death Valley, not bankrupt them. Limit one per car, please share. Don't forget to stop at the Death Valley memorial on your way in and out for great prices on sweatshirts you would have to be crazy to wear anywhere within 250 miles of Death Valley.

Death Valley in a time when the west was old was probably a completely terrible place. It's over 100 degrees all day, there's no decent place to go to the bathroom, and more often than not you're going to find a scorpion in your boot. I think one of the worst aspects of the old west that is never portrayed in movies is just how terrible everyone must smell. Sure they haven't showered in weeks, or months, but what really grosses me out is just how bad everyone's breath had to be. Have you ever smelled someone's breath who hasn't brushed their teeth in years, and whose teeth are undoubtedly rotting out of their head? Not for me.

Basically I have no interest in the old west. I like at least minimum comfort, and I just need to have clean teeth. This bottle of cola says that it's a taste of the old west. I'm calling shenanigans. This is far to delicious to be from such a dire time. This is one of the greatest colas I have ever tasted. It's incredibly smooth and flavorful. This is so much more than a Coke or a Pepsi. It's not nearly as harsh as contemporary colas. I can't get over how smooth it tastes. It's almost as smooth as a quality cream soda. The cola taste is very strong and it doesn't taste like a sugar water.

Now I can't get the idea of gross old west mouth rot out of my head so I'm going to go brush my teeth about a half dozen times.