Hair King - 2 Reviews

This just may be the oddest drink we've ever reviewed, at least the oddest “functional” beverage. This is a 3.38oz bottle of a beverage whose sole purpose is to promote hair health care. According to their website this beverage is supposed to help with the reduction of greying and thinning hair. They tell of the science behind this through the use of broken English on their page. I personally do not suffer from thinning hair nor am I going grey, so I can't attest to whether it works or not, but who am I to argue with science.

What I can report is on taste and I am happy to tell you that it is not nearly as bad as I had anticipated. Like with most shot beverages I expected it to taste like runoff from a nuclear plant, luckily it just tastes like some weird cranberry juice. It definitely has a cranberry base, but it's not overly tart and there is something else that that I can't pin down. It reminds me of something I had in my childhood, but I can't remember what, which is vaguely infuriating. It could just be the sucralose making it weird, but not completely diet tasting. I want to say it tastes like something I won at a pizza place/arcade like Major Magics or Chuck E Cheese, because those sorts of places keep popping in my mind. Perhaps Charles Cheese used to down these things. He always did have a nice coat of fur on him.

As a side note there is a weird notation on the bottle that says, “Hair King Drink does not prevent intoxication.” I would really like to know the circumstances that led them to including that little message.

Why am I drinking this? I have fine hair? How do I have such wonderful hair? Well for one, I hardly ever wash it. Call it gross but look at my hair. It's just fine. It's never thirsty and doesn't have any product in it ever. I am drinking this to review and if it gives me even better hair I shall pass the benefits off to you so that we all may have glorious locks day in and day out.

What do I think of how it tastes, though? Well let's see. With every sip I feel like I'm drinking something I shouldn't be. Sure, it's lemon lime but you can get lemon lime Pledge and that's not edible at all. This is right on the cusp of being called "syrupy" so to have it have a strange viscosity and taste a bit like a mix between a kids lemon lime Huggy and a floor cleaner, that's a dangerous place. A dangerous place much like lying in bed with me with the fear of getting your hands caught in my impending more glorious “do”.