Icon - 2 Reviews

Step One: Buy a sugar free Red Bull.

Step Two: Buy a bunch of sucralose. In my world this would be tricky, because I believe it should be a controlled substance, but in reality you could probably pick some up at the corner store.

Step Three: Crack open the Red Bull and pour a heaping amount of the sucralose in it.

Step Four: Swirl it around.

Step Five: Take a sip.

Step Six: Make a weird face because this tastes way more diet than any other energy drink you've ever tried. So much in fact that the diet starts to overpower the chemical energy taste of candy.

Mission complete. You now know what sugar free Icon tastes like.

Dear Energy Drink World,
I know your secret, your big, dark secret about your lineage that you don't want the world to find out about. You know what, I'm going to tell the world, and expose you for what you are. I know who the father of energy drinks is. He was once a boy who found a golden ticket that granted him and his conman grandfather access to the world's greatest candy factory. Once they were inside they tricked the kind, gentle owner/operator of the factory into signing the deed for everything over to them.

At first it was business as usual, making all of the candy the factory always produced, but in secret that boy who was quickly becoming a man performed savage experiments with the candy and added chemicals to them for various results. It wasn't until the original owner of the candy factory passed on that the boy who was now a devious man unleashed his new creations upon the world under various names so it couldn't be traced back to him and his lucrative candy business. He took the world by storm with what he called energy drinks.

You see when he was young he realized that sugar candy made kids go bonkers so he decided to up the ante and add taurine, caffeine and various other ingredients to make a beverage that would be the same to adults, but with greater effects. He started various companies, each of which used a different candy base for the energy chemicals to be added to. They all had similar but unique flavors.

One such company was Icon. For this formula he added the usual suspects of energy infused ingredients to a base that was made primarily of blue raspberry sweet tarts, heavy on the blue aspect of it. The result was very similar to his other companies, but it had a slightly different candy flavor to it, that actually stood out more than was expected. It was essentially a blue raspberry version of his flagship energy company, Red Bull.

Now you see the world knows your secrets, but I fear I am too late. Your drinks have been embraced by society and they consume and enjoy them to such an extent that they won't even care that you bastardized a wholesome candy company. It look like you win this time Charles.