Neuro - 7 Reviews

It's harsh out there in this post apocalyptic world we live in. Ever since the beginning of the end us humans have had it rough. There are food shortages and finding clean water is proving to be harder and harder. The only electricity we have is through generators, and it's only matter of time before all the gas is gone and those prove to be pointless. We should have all listened to Ed Begley Jr and installed those solar panels. He's living like a king in his home watching old videos of Transylvania 6-5000, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, and A Mighty Wind.

As you all know the atmosphere has gone into the toilet and in order to even breath the air around us we need to up our immunity systems. Lucky for all of us that Neuro stepped up to the plate a created a once a day beverage that does just that. The beverage that is helping keep us all alive is packed with vitamin D, vitamin C, zinc amongst others to keep us healthy and alive.

Since we have to keep on our toes, due to the roving packs of mutants that threaten our very existence, the drink is sweetened with sucralose along with crystalline fructose. No one needs those extra pounds holding them back these days. Well actually, we won't have to worry about those extra pounds once the food shortage gets worse, which is inevitable.

As diet as this might be, it doesn't taste horrible. Tangerines were a wonderful fruit when they still existed. Neuro does a good job replicating their taste, and the citrus taste really cuts through the diet garbage. Is it an ideal flavor? No, but it's much better than it could be and sacrificing a little flavor is fine by me for the benefits it gives us, you know like staying alive.

It's a harsh world, indeed.

When I think of bliss the first thing that crosses my mind is shoegaze. If you're not familiar it's a style of music that sounds very dreamy (sometimes droney) with a lot of effects on the guitars. As soon as I hear the word bliss either a Slowdive or My Bloody Valentine song pops into my head and I like to take a moment and just bask in it's strange pop bliss.

Is this beverage the liquid version of those songs? Not even close. While the added ingredients may have reduced my stress in the long run, I got no relaxation from the flavor. The sole reason for that is that even though crystalline fructose is the main sweetener, there is also sucralose in the mix, and as we all know if it's there at all it is overpowering. Without the sucralose this could have been a very pleasant, lightly carbonated raspberry drink. I keep trying to block out the fake sugar taste and I know there is a truly enjoyable beverage in there somewhere. I can just tell it's something that I would really, really like. Unfortunately the sucralose buries nearly all of that taste under its grossness. If you are one of the people who walks this planet that are unaffected by sucralose, like those who like cilantro, you will probably be all over this.

This company has the brain down. They know ever nook and cranny of that gray shriveled grape that lives inside the skulls of the world. The know what to poke and prod to get the sought after effects. Want to make someone kick your assistant in their posterior? Just poke that little section there. Want to make them sing the Canadian national anthem in Cantonese? Give that little guy a squeeze. Seriously, Neuro can make us do whatever they want, that is if they could just get inside our skulls. Since we are grown ass adults, and they have no claims over our bodies, they have to do what seems to be the next best thing for them and that is to sell us drinks that will affect different parts of our mind grapes.

With this drink they figured out exactly what to mix together to put you to sleep and make it last all night. Normally with relaxation drinks I sleep sound and hard for about four hours. It's like I get a full night's sleep in a shorter span, but after that I wake up on and off. When I drank this I was out all night. It was magical. It doesn't taste too shabby either. It has a nice light citrus taste that clings to the orange side of the genre. It's non-carbonated, which for no reason at all, seems weird to me.

Science is a force to be reckoned with, and Neuro is nothing if not a group of scientists with a love for gray matter. It's terrifying if you think about it.

Whenever I draw the sun, I draw it wearing glasses. It only makes sense, right? I mean, what is the brightest place in the world? Probably as the sun, right? You think that living in the desert having the sun beaming down at you is bad? Try being the sun. Did you know that the sun has never, and can never, look at itself in the mirror or it will implode on itself? So much sun directly focused on itself would cause the largest explosion the universe has ever seen, and that's coming from a scientist. In the same respect, if the sun, once again, who wears glasses, drinks Neuro Sun, it will explode. The sun creates vitamin D. It does not ingest it. The sun doesn't like it and it sheds it like sweat. The sun sweats vitamin D. You don't drink sweat and the sun doesn't drink vitamin D.

You, a person, can ingest all the vitamin D you can handle. You are a person, not the sun. You can wear yellow like Curious George's caregiver, or wear glasses like...someone who doesn't like to squint, but you can never be the sun. I'm not even going to apologize. That's a stupid request...wanting to be the sun. If you, like me, don't go outside as much as you should because of work, laziness, eight months of sunless weather, you don't get the vitamin D you deserve or need. Hence, a tropical flavored supplement. Sure, it's a bit diet tasting and a pretty nondescript "tropical" (note the quotes) flavor, but it's not terrible. It's not carbonated and is moderately sweet and is drinkable but most importantly, and as the primary selling point, it is chocked full of vitamin D, you know, from the sun.

You need the sun. You are not the sun. You don't need the tropics or the taste of it, but you like it. This drink is not mandatory, but it offers more than most drinks. That has to count for something.

Passion. Unfortunately, I don't think I've got it in me. Oh, it's absolutely terrible and I don't wish it on anyone. I'll tell you who does, though, this kid John. All night he was talking about going to the "singles mingle." He picked me as his wingman. Before the mingle we went to the casino and played some slots and blackjack. I don't like gambling and have never had great luck so it's better that I didn't play so I couldn't complain about losing $20. One of our friends won $500 on a machine but her husband may have lost it on drinks, slots, and blackjack so I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say they're a push. Like that? Blackjack terms.

One thing that distracted me was this old man we befriended. He had on a gold Rolex Day-Date with diamonds on the bezel. Pretty money, dude. I was mesmerized.

We decided that our fashionable lateness was about due so we went around the corner to the singles mingle. Slim pickings friends. Oh, there were some birds there, but they weren't putting it out there, if you know what I mean. Girls were too busy with their friends or boyfriends to hang. John tried with a couple girls but they weren't having it. I spent my time talking to this kid Nate from California and then a drunk kid in a wheelchair threw up on himself in an equal part sad and gross display and we called it a night.

Maybe if everyone were half as smooth as I am and they were serving this Neuro Passion drink, everyone would be spending the night with their lover of choice. I've never had a wingman or a Neuro drink but this opened up the floodgates to new experiences. It was good and was shaped like a missile or something. It was lightly carbonated and did actually taste a bit like passion fruit. I'm hoping for a jolt of energy because the gentle rocking of the boat knocks me out. I was in the gym on the bike and I ate healthy so between that and this drink, we should be ready for a night filled with karaoke and fun.

Tomorrow Grand Cayman.

These Neuro drinks look so alluring on the shelves. I applaud the company for making a unique looking bottle with enticing colors (even though it looks like it should be some sort of adult toy).

Derek had reviewed one of these a while ago, but I had never seen them in stores. When I found them in a grocery store I felt compelled to buy them all, even though he had given his a terrible review. That, my friend, is proof that quality packaging can go a long way for a product. I convinced myself that I really only needed to buy one. I chose the one that is suppose to increase mental energy and focus. I chose this one because I'm on vacation, and when people are away from the real world for too long they tend to become morons. When you don't have to think or worry much about live everything seems great, and I know I tend to become vulnerable to making dumb decisions. So I'm taking the offensive here. Will it work? Who knows, but it's worth a try.

The first thing I have to say about this drink is "Holy diet!" It's hard to make out what flavor this is supposed to actually be. The taste I'm searching for is lost in a cloud of artificial sweeteners. I think it's supposed to be berry, but I couldn't testify in a court of law. Drink court....now that is an idea. Customers take companies to court for putting out terrible beverages. I'm smelling reality TV of the dumbest kind. I wonder if they would let us be the judges. We could be called in for our expert opinions. I mean Mike and I are scientists. I would even settle for being the thirsty jury. Someone pitch this to the networks. Quick!

According to the label, there is "passion in every bottle". This, and the name of the drink intrigued me. It also is supposed to promote healthy circulation and enhance the pleasure response. While I don't know if drinking this gives me the proper side effects, I can comment on the taste of this.

Carbonated Flintstones vitamins. That is what it tastes like. I used to enjoy Flintstones vitamins, but i don't enjoy this. It's not the worst thing ever, but it's not good at all. Maybe they decided they didn't need to make this taste good because people will drink it in hopes to make sex better. Personally, it's not worth it to me.