Phix - 3 Reviews

Move over cocaine. You're so last year and also so 1980s simultaneously. You are no longer the energizing powder powerhouse that you once were. Phix beat you hands down. Allow me to count the ways that Phix is better than cocaine:

1. Legality - Phix you can buy from a store without prescription and no one is going to think twice when you have that and you itch your nose.


2. Flavor - Citron is basically citrus. Lemon and orange, if I had to place it. Maybe a pineapple, but a great overall citrus taste. Cocaine? Oh, sandy gas flavored? Awesome.


3. Side Effects - Lemon breath and energy. Cocaine? Crashes, feening, jail time, bloody noses.


4. Cost - A five pack with cost around $12. It seems like a lot, but it's quite good and works out to be a little over $2. Using $50 as the going rate for a gram of cocaine, that would translate to one pack of around twelve grams costing you around $600.

As you can see Phix is a win-win.

On a recent trip to the tropics, Shawn wanted to taste all that the tropics to offer. He ate many things in, around, and out of pineapples. He ate a lot of fresh fish such as grouper and a red snapper that was the same size as his two-year-old son. He devoured tons of delicious fruits like mangoes, grapefruits, lemons, and limes. He even ate a rather gluttonously large bowl of turtle soup, which he was on the fence about but tried and liked more than his vegetarian wife would have liked. On the final day, he went to a pig roast and after that, he was ready to come home to Minneapolis.

On the plane ride home, he felt a bit of a void. Yes, he had done as the people of the land had done, but he felt that he didn't get a well-rounded taste of the tropics. If he could blend the culture, food, and drink up into a very good, industrial blender, he could have what he desired. When he got home, he went to work the next day, still feeling that hole that he didn't get. A few days later, a package arrived on his doorstep. He hadn't ordered anything except for Pet Shop Boys Please and this was too large to be that. He opened the box and there was a note and a box. It read:
Shawn,
We thank you for your recent trip to the topics. We notice that you did quite a lot of activities and we appreciate you using your time to its fullest extent. We have sent you a package of Phix in the Tropic flavor so you can drink your vacation whenever you want.
Thanks again,
Joe the travel agent

Shawn opened up the package and quickly but carefully poured the powder into a leftover bottle of water. As he drank it, he remembered all the good things about the trip he had just returned from. No, it didn't taste like fish, turtles, coconut, and pig. It tasted fruity, a bit citrus-y, and as an extra added bonus, was an energy drink to get him out of whatever rut he was in. He was smart to have put it in a resealable water bottle because shakable, mixable stuff fell to the bottom and he had to mix it up. It kept it interactive and he was fine with it. He was happy with the taste and now, rather than pictures, he could carry around little packs of his vacation and not have to show disinterested people pictures of him eating a swordfish.

Oh I'm so sweaty from getting my swell on. Four hours of just heavy, free weights does wonders to my deltoids. I don't ride the bikes because that's for girls. I don't use stair climbers because that's for old men. I use free weights and that machine that shakes you together to get the maximum amount of swell to my increasingly bulging biceps.

After two hours, I run out of steam and I need some pump up so that I can pump up. At the smoothie bar, they sell these packets called Phix that the gentleman behind the counter mixes it in a cup with a fancy, long spoon. Slammed. I slammed it, like I do those weights. Slammed. Like Onyx. It went down smooth. It wasn't too strong either. It was a light drink, like a watered down juice. It didn't really taste like an energy drink. It just tasted good with a light fruit taste. I'm used to slamming down energy drinks and protein drinks that are either too sweet, or too thick, or too gross. This is the perfect drink for me to pump iron long into the night, as I do frequently. I have a goal to look like I did in my high school picture and now that I am a hundred pounds heavier. I have to work harder to get rid of those last, pesky fifty pounds. I've got to strive to slip into those Sasoon jeans and Yes T-Shirt like I had in my senior picture. I've got to get back to working on my hammies.