Relentless - 2 Reviews

"Energy and persistence alter all things" - Benjamin Franklin

This is the quote on the back of the can. It really sets the tone for this drink because Benjamin Franklin is probably one of the last people I think of when talking about energy drinks. The only person that probably beats him is Fyodor Dostoyevsky. Have you ever seen a picture of him? Not exactly what I think of when I think "energy drink".

Upon first sip of this over breakfast this morning, I audibly said "what the hell is that!?" My housemate laughed but refused to try it because he hates energy drinks. I'm half way through the can and I still can't put my finger on what is making this taste so gross. It's like they took the generic Red Bull clone energy drink taste and thought "this tastes too good, let's make it more gross so we'll end up discontinuing the flavor and people can buy it for 60 cents a can at Big Lots". If someone has this internal memo from Relentless, I'd love to see it to confirm my suspicions.

Gentlemen, thank you for staying late this evening. As you know our new energy line goes to the bottling plant in the morning. Yes Johnson I know they are going to be in cans, but saying cannery sounds like we're talking about tuna, and I can assure you all that fish will not come into play here. The reason we are all here is because we have the cans designed with terrible Olde English typeface and all, but we have an empty space on the cans for our celebrity endorsement. We were sure we'd have someone by now, but Michael Jordan and ZZ Top have not returned my calls. Shocking, I know. So gentleman, unless one of you has a famous cousin we need to think of something else. How about a quote from a dead historical figure? Hmm who would be good? Who knew about energy? Tesla? Yeah he ruled but the populace isn't very familiar with him. Edison? I don't want people to associate us with his dark period. That whole electrocuting animals thing would probably turn PETA against us. Hmmmm. How about Ben Franklin. Him and electricity go hand in hand. I bet he would also love a drink that tastes like you mixed Red Bull and orange juice. Get me his biography! I'll flip it open and the first quote I randomly put my thumb on will be it. "Energy and persistence alter all things." Gold! Meeting adjourned. Looks like it wasn't a late night after all. Go home and spend some time with your families before the Franklin estate decides to sue us. I'm not getting clearance on that quote.