Simplifast - 2 Reviews

Ugh. Every time I take a sip it's like punishment. Not that "I know it's good for me so I'll do it" type of punishment. Not that "Oh this mouthwash burns, but I know it's killing germs and preventing me from getting gingivitis" type punishment. It's the "Who crushed all these Sweet Tarts and put them in this already disgusting juice?" type punishment. That's what it tastes like. 15 thousand Sweet Tarts, powderized and thrown into juice. It's supposed to detoxify, but I'd much rather just eat a bunch of celery, or maybe just perform an enema. Seriously, I can't imagine drinking this entire thing.

Here's the sweet thing about this review. Sure, it's gold already, but here's where I step up my own game. Who doesn't love math? This drink was $2.50. It's on the high side, but I figured, how can you mess this up? It's juice. So $2.50. On the label, it states that in order to achieve your intended weight loss goal of upwards of an estimated 15 pounds, you have to drink four drinks per day. Now we're up to $10 per day. Oh honey, don't let it stop there. You are supposed to drink 4 per day for a week. That's seven days. Bringing our grand total up to $70. $70 in juice.

I didn't need to detoxify. What do I have to clean out? Tacos? Please, leave them in there. I love them. Your drink on the other hand...

A couple of years ago there was all the hoopla around fasting diets/cleanses. The one that I heard the most about was the Master Cleanse. It was basically people drinking nothing but lemon juice and maple syrup for a week. Everyone I knew who did it said that it was completely horrible. They felt like hell, their skin broke out and they suffered from bouts of diahaha (which is what my one friend calls diarrhea, because she claims poop is hysterical). The Master Cleanse did not seem appealing at all. This drink is like an updated version of it. It's lemon juice, maple syrup and a few other added ingredients for vitamins and taste. They should have spent more time on the taste. The vague strawberry flavor is hidden behind a wave of lemon juice. It's kind of gross. Not even in a artificial sweetener kind of grossness, just not good.

The instructions on the bottle say to drink four of these a day for a week. That's right, four. You're not supposed to consume anything else except water and tiny amounts of fresh fruit. That's 28 bottles of this with little else to upset the flavor. I can barely get through one. I didn't but into it originally, and I'm not going to now. I say good day to you Simplifast.