Skeleteens - 11 Reviews

Jack was a pirate. He sailed the seven seas his entire life and even into his death scouring the globe for the greatest treasure ever. That treasure: bottle caps. Jack (who's friend's all called him Randy) had an undying love for the little twist off beauties. No one really knows why, but it's fact. You can even read about it on Wikipedia.

It was because of this love for bottle caps that Jack started to make his own soda. It gave him a chance to design his own caps. It was a dream come true. Unfortunately his shipment got mixed up and he was forced to use Real Soda caps.

So here we have one of Jack's brews. It's a berry cream soda that I can get behind. It has average creaminess, but the pseudo candy berry flavor is amazing. This is similar to the blue Crush, except it's made with cane sugar. You really can't go wrong with the Skeleteen's like in my eyes.

Pirates are famous for many things; pillaging, plundering, raping, parrots, scurvy and eye patches. I'd like to think that in their heyday they ruled the seven seas with a wooden leg. They set fear into the hearts of every man, woman and child that set foot onto a boat. Through all that there is one thing they never got a firm grasp on: root beer. It's a little known fact that the primary objective of all pirates was to acquire premium ingredients to brew the world's greatest root beer. Unfortunately for them their lack of vitamin c got the best of them and all they created was mediocrity in the beverage world.

Dead Red Root Beer is decent but that's about as far as it goes. It's similar to Barqs in flavor. That may be because this is the only other root beer (besides G33K B33R) that I know of that has caffeine in it. I was expecting this to be special and have that classic Skeleteens burn to it. It did not. I also really thought it was going to be red due to the name, but it's normal caramel root beer colored. Also how awesome would it have been if it were cherry root beer? Why don't companies make different varieties like they do with colas?

Skeleteens were way ahead of their time in the soda timeline. They made weird and unusual sodas while the rest of the world was content with the classics. On top of that they were also way ahead of the game in terms of energy drinks. They played a large role in my beverage consumption as a teenager and they will always have a place in my heart. I'm so glad that Real Soda has taken over the drink line and it has seen the light of day again.

I love this drink, but my question is why does it taste nothing like it's purple counterpart? The purple Love Potion is grape flavored with a burn to it. This is more of a berry flavor with the slightest memory of a burn. It actually has a candied flavor with a kick to it. I don't really know how to explain it. It tastes like it should burn your throat, but it doesn't. It's definitely a unique flavor.

As with most of the Skeleteens' sodas I could do without all of the wacky sayings on the label, but I know that was part of the charm of these drinks when I was 15.

Apparently it's ginger day on Thirsty Dudes. Our past three reviews have all been about ginger based drinks. This resulted in me having celebratory veggie dogs. In my infinite wisdom I decided to put some pickled ginger on the dogs. Amazing idea. It gave them a nice little kick. To wash down this wonderful concoction I decided to break open this bottle of Brainalizer. I had no idea what it was supposed to taste like, just that it was a "carbonated herbal beverage." As it turns out it tastes like raspberry or cherry ginger ale, but instead of ginger it was made with other roots and herbs. It's way better than I expected. Since honey is used as the sweetener, it's not overly sugary like most sodas. It also has a slight burn to it, which I always enjoy.

The website on the bottle wasn't up anymore, so I did some research on the internets. It turns out that this was originally a part of the Skeleteens line. That makes sense after reading the ingredients (American and Siberian Ginseng, Gotu Kola, Goldenseal, Dill Weed, Echinacea, Ginko Biloba, Dandelion, African Capsicum). I'm pretty sure this was an early version of an energy drink. Like myself (ginger on hotdogs) it seems that the folks at Skeleteens were visionaries. I applaud them for their work.

I have been searching for this for a long, long time. No lie, like close to 15 years. I always hoped to stumble upon it in some random store while traveling around. I eventually found a handful of places online where you could order "rare" sodas, but they were always out of stock of the blue Brain Wash. I was certain that this drink had gone the way of Crystal Pepsi, Orbits, and Ecto Cooler. On a recent trip to Soda Pop Central up in Canada I was shocked to find a bunch of bottles of it. I grabbed a couple (along with four assorted cases) and hit the road giddy as a small child.

Like many things in life, when you search for it for long enough you build up these absolutely crazy expectations for it. Once I'd get my hands on a bottle that "no woman person in the history of the world is having drinking better sex soda than the sex soda you are having drinking with Ian Brainwash... in my head. That was the worst paraphrase in the history of this site, for the record. As it turns out it's still decent, but it did not live up to the holiness I had built up in my head. It tastes like liquid Smarties mixed with some low-grade chemical acid. I blame the burning acid burning to the jalapeno oil that is listed in the ingredients. I am a glutton for drinks that have a burn to them (I drank a bottle of Prometheus Springs' Lemon Ginger earlier in the day) so I really enjoyed that aspect of the soda.

It also stains everything it comes in contact with blue. I'm not just talking like how Blow Pops stain your tongue blue. After I drank the bottle I looked in the mirror and my tongue appeared to have a thick layer of bright teal paint on it. It was completely solid looking. This drink did a better job painting my tongue than I did painting the walls of my bedroom.

Here is a final thought for you. I now believe that I could not find bottles of this anywhere because Mr. Brainwash of "Exit Through the Gift Shop" fame purchased all that he could find. He then pounded the lot of them and that is how he became insane. I think there's a documentary specifically about that. Seriously, it's streaming on Netflix right now.

This is another member of the Skeleteen's line. I only vaguely remember this one from my high school days. It has the "classic" Skeleteen's tag lines on it. "Third time available in 399 years," "From Black's last raid," and "Drink up you scurry dog!"

Blood Red Cola = Cherry Cola with a pirates twist. The twist is really just the image and not much to do with the flavor (although it does have Brazilian guarana in it). It's a decent cherry cola. There's really nothing that stands out in it, but it's still very enjoyable.

With the popularity of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies a few years ago, I'm kind of shocked these didn't become more popular. I think people would have eaten it up during the whole pirate craze. You know, all of the terrible "dad jokes" that were going around about the sea dogs. Remember kids, dressing like a pirate never looks cool. Don't ever do it, even on Halloween. Don't disrespect the pirates in that way. Just drink the soda. Celebrate their life and times that way.

Dear Rat Bastard Root Beer, you have a really stupid name. I mean come on Skeleteens, you have a quality line of sodas, but you just try to hard to be "alternative" and "in your face" with your titles. When I was a young teenager I thought it was funny, but now as a grown ass man, it just seems childish. Yes, yes I know I'm a 31 year old that reviews soda pop, and that is pretty childish in it's own rite. Like a disappointed mother I think you're better than that.

Even though this has most of the same ingredients as all of the Skeleteens' sodas, it doesn't have a huge bite to it. It's pretty straightforward for a root beer. It has jasmine and clove in it, but I didn't really notice them too much until the last sip. Even then it wasn't very strong. I really expected it to be a unique root beer, but it would fit right in with the rest of the gang. Now remember Skeleteens, you don't need to resort to cheap promotional tactics. Let your soda speak for itself. It can do it. I have faith in you and I love you. Now wash up. Dinner is almost ready.

We're now at a cabin in the middle of the woods. There was snow much snow to shovel in order to even get into the cabin, it was ridiculous. I should have drunk this before I shoveled. Like all of the Skeleteens sodas, there is an obscene amount of caffeine in here. I bet it would have taken me two minutes to shovel it all. Cause you know caffeine gives you superpowers. You didn't know that? Wiki it, it's science.

This soda is originally from the mid-90s, and it obviously they marketed it towards the alternative culture. When I was younger I thought it was awesome, but now that I'm older it's pretty cheesy. I can overlook it though because it's an interesting cola. Since it's a Skeleteens it has a butt load of herbs in it, which always give their drinks a unique under flavor. The label says it has HFCS in it, but stamped on the bottle it says Real Cane Sugar. I think they are both wrong. To me it tastes like it was sweetened with pixie sticks. It's pretty awesome. It falls somewhere between an olde timey cola, like Fentimans, and a modern one, like RC.

If this was readily available all the time, I doubt I would get it very often. Since I had to special order it, if I ever saw it, I would probably buy a case.

This is it. This is what I have waited about 15 years to have again. I drank this all the time in high school (well the blue Brain Wash, this is the red one). I'll tell you something, it's still awesome. It tastes like no other soda I've ever had. This is definitely unusual. I think cherry is supposed to be the base flavor of this. You get a slight hint of it, and then the craziness sets in. I have no frame of reference for what the compare the flavor to. It's highly carbonated, and it has got a bit of a burn to it. Why is that? Oh because it has jalapeno oil in it. What other company would do that? I love it. It's also insanely caffeinated due to the herbal blend (and the straight up caffeine) in it.
Dan said it's tastes like Spencer Gifts, he's a bit off. It tastes more like something you would buy from a "head shop," which happens to be where I would buy them in high school. This drink should always have a place reserved right in-between the "bubblers" and the bootleg "live-side" Nirvana, Pearl Jam and Red Hot Chili Pepper CDs.

Adventure number two in the return to the world of Skeleteens didn't go as amazingly as number one. The Black Lemonade is still pretty rad, but it's not something that I'm going to crave.
On first sip, I was in love. This is really strong bitter slightly carbonated lemonade. The problem is it's a bit too strong. About 1/3 of the way through the 12oz bottle I could already tell I was starting to get a stomachache. I took about an hour break, and now I'm back into it.
Now that I'm at it again, it now tastes like carbonated lemonade that had some candy dissolved into it. You know how cola tastes when you drink it through a licorice straw? It's a similar effect as that, but with a different candy.
This also has all the crazy herbal ingredients in it, so I'm sure I'll have an energy freak out shortly.
Oh and they weren't kidding. This stuff is black. Hold it up to a light and it is just darkness, it doesn't have a red or blue tint at all.

Back in the mid 90's when I was in high school, New Age Creations and Showplace Theatre (a local music venue) used to sell the Skeleteens line of soda. I was obsessed with it. It was overly caffeinated, and I remember some of them felt like you were drinking liquid smoke. After a few months they disappeared from the shelves. There were a bunch of rumors floating around as to why, most of them being about how there was actually some sort of illegal drug in the ingredients, or that one of the ingredients had been banned. This was about a decade before energy drinks really hit the market hard, so things heavily caffeinated seemed insane. Remember how people went nuts about Jolt back in the day?
I quickly forgot the company even existed. About two years ago I started searching for info, but no one knew what I was talking about. Even my friends who used to get them with me, barely remembered them existing. It didn't help that I couldn't remember the name of the company. Finally someone remembered they were called Skeleteens, and I scoured the internet. I found out that although the Skeleteens company is no more, Real Soda has taken over and on occasions small runs of the drinks were made, unfortunately I could only find them at distributors in California, and shipping was astronomical. I searched for them everywhere I went, with no luck. Then for Xmas this year, my girlfriend's parents ordered me a bunch of sodas from Galcos. I got one of each Skeleteens flavor, and boy am I ever stoked.
Okay forget the back-story, on to the review. As soon as I popped this open the smell hit me, and I totally felt like I was 15 again. It's crazily carbonated, but this one unfortunately didn't have as strong of a liquid smoke feeling as I remember (I now liken that feeling to crazy strong ginger beer). It starts off as a grape flavor, but then it switches directions and heads somewhere out west. I have no idea what to compare the flavor to, but I really love it. Maybe it's all the crazy herbs that are in the drink. Here is a list: Siberian Ginseng, Jasmine, Buchu, Dillweed, Ginko Biloba, Clove, Echinacea, Damiana, Kola Nut, Dong Quai, Brazilian Guarna, Gotu Kola, African Capsicum and Chamomile (I don't get why this one was in here). It's a weird mix of energy releasing and sexual stimulation herbs and those to promote a healthy immune system. Shear insanity. I've only gotten halfway through the bottle, and I already real insanely caffeinated. I have yet to have any sexual stimulation, so I'm calling their bluff.
Oh, and the label does nothing but scream 90's counter-culture. It's such an "alternative" company. Here are some of the things printed on the label: "arousing carbonated drink", "True love ain't cheap", "It's a turn on", "Helps to keep your heart on", "Nine inches full of wetness", "Not to be used alone unless you're into self-satisfaction" and my personal favorite (right above the ingredients) "What you'll be swallowing is these."
I don't know if it's just nostalgia or what, but I'm giving this a five-bottle review. I really love the way it tastes. I was hoping that I would think it was disgusting now that I'm older, so that I wouldn't have to worry about finding it again. Oh well. Now I'm going to have to find the pink variety of this. If anyone has any hook ups of how I can get this without it costing me a million dollars in shipping, please, please, please let me know.