Stewart's Shops - 4 Reviews

You know what, Stuart, I LIKE YOU. You're not like the other people, here, in the trailer park. Oh, don't go get me wrong. They're fine people, they're good Americans. But they're content to sit back, maybe
watch a little Mork and Mindy on channel 57, maybe kick back a cool, Coors 16-ouncer. They're good, fine people, Stuart. But they don't know ... Wait, this isn't a Dead Milkmen song. The titular character doesn't even spell his name the same as this soda company. They really have nothing to do with each other, and to be frank, I am a bit disappointed. I wanted to tie in some humorous music from my high school years into a review about a soda from Sarasota Springs, NY.

If I'm going to continue to be honest with you I have to admit that I think the song that is currently playing in my head is better than the soda. It has humor and wit (and a bit of homophobia, but it's from a character and not the author). The soda is only delivering me a very syrupy, bubbly vanilla flavor. It tastes like too much caramel got put into the mix and it made it even thicker than the corn syrup did on its own. It's a serviceable soda, but it's not something I would ever crave, or even purchase myself. I have a certain standard for cream soda and this simply does not reach it.

In other news remember in Stuart when he references the “Johnny Wurster boy?” Yeah, it's that John Wurster of Superchunk, Best Show, Bob Mould, and Mountain Goats fame. Life is strange sometimes.

It's been a long time since I've had root beer. This one is strange though. It makes quick visits to your tongue and promptly vanishes. In and out, just like when you visited your ex-girlfriend's smelly uncle's house; in and out. Split second flavor. How is that flavor, though? It's actually pretty good. It's more on the candy side of root beer. Not really dark or deep or anything special but it's right in the middle of the root beer spectrum.

If you didn't like it, you wouldn't know because before you had to decide if you liked it or not, you would be half way through the bottle and you would just assume you liked it because you drank so much, not because you didn't have time to justify one way or the other.

Vichy is seltzer water with salt and bicarbonate of soda (baking soda) in it. It is weird and seemingly unnecessary. I assume you're meant to drink it when you have an upset stomach. It just tastes wrong to me. It's like something a child would concoct with various things in a kitchen, and it would be a failure. The end.

Even though they are never anything special and also not very good in the traditional sense I am a complete sucker for local farm/store brand iced teas. They are generally mostly sugar water with a bit of tea mixed in, but something about them that is incredibly endearing too me. They are so full of sugar that there is no way they are healthy, yet they seem so wholesome. They are a piece of what Americana was to me as a young teenager.

Stewart's output is fairly similar to what a lot of the dairies in PA produce. The name from any of those companies is pretty interchangeable with the contents of the bottle. It's water, sugar and a green tea premix and honey. It tastes like an over-sweetened green tea, Just as you would expect, and just as I wanted it to be.