TEAse - 3 Reviews

I had a whole dumb thing written about how the U2 song from Batman Forever was actually about this tea, and then I double checked and realized that the word tease is nowhere in the title and I'm just a dumb dummy. Well that threw my sad excuse for comedy out the window.

Now for once I'll just be straight with you. This is a more than decent honey green tea. It's a bit on the sweeter side of the spectrum, but it doesn't wander into the territory of “How can people drink this?” It's actually got a nice sweetness if a sweetened tea is what you're looking for. You can still taste the green tea beneath the sweetener, the honey and the fruit flavors.

What I like the most about this is that TEAse didn't feel the need to pound the pomegranate and acai flavors into our faces. They are two flavors that are normally very strong in the beverages they are found in, but in here there are fairly light. They add just a touch of flavor to the tea and that is how I like my teas flavored. Sure I could have done with a bit less sweetener, but I'm not everyone and a lot of people like their teas sweet. This is for them and I think they will really enjoy it.

What a misleading bottle. When I came across this in a gas station in Ann Arbor, MI I thought that it was some kind of weird functional weight loss beverage. It has that certain look about it that I associate with such drinks. The fact that it says “Natural Metabolism Booster” fairly large at the top and “A Wellness Drink” at the bottom only solidified my thoughts. The thing about solids is that sometimes they melt. There is nothing fancy about this drink at all. It's not a cure all, a meal supplement, nor will it cure baldness. What is contained in this bottle is simply a cane sugar sweetened green tea with honey and ginseng in it.

When you break it down, there is not much difference between this and an Arizona's green tea, with the exception of a better sweetener and probably higher quality versions of the ingredients. It tastes like a fairly sweet green tea with honey and ginseng, which is exactly what it is. I don't know why they went over the top with the packaging. If I didn't need to review this for Thirsty Dudes, I would have passed right over it, which would have been a shame, because it has a nice taste to it that I thoroughly enjoy.

Rumors have been circulating about where I have been. People have said that I was in China selling cows. I have heard that I had left Thirsty Dudes in order to work full time to fulfill my dream of becoming a professional competitive pie eater. I have also heard that I was being groomed to become the newest host of the late night television show "Mike Night with Mike." I can say, for sure, that these are all false.

Regardless of what I was doing, which you don't care about anyway, let's be honest, I'm back in full effect with this, a thrilling review of a drink that is supposed to get my metabolism boosted. Look, I'm thirty-one years old and don't have the metabolism that I had when I was a terribly haired, equally terribly dressed high school student. That being said, I do not believe that this is going to give me the endurance that would allow me to do things like get three hours of sleep and just rage all day. As a terribly, immature adult, this does quench my thirst because it is good. It doesn't have a strong tea taste. Light tea taste. Not strong. Strong berry taste. According to the pictures on the bottle, there are cherries (which I can taste), blueberries (which I cannot taste), strawberries (which I might be able to taste) and raspberries (which I also might be able to taste). That's a good fifty percent tasty fruit to tasteless fruit. I suppose it's a fair ratio.

Hey, regardless of what seedy or otherwise not terribly entertaining things I've been up to these past five days, I'm back and this review proves it. I'm off to continue my new career of playing as a rodeo clown but you don't care about that.