Arizona Juice Cocktail Sweet Apple

Ladies and Gentlemen, We have done it. We have compressed all that you love about apples and turned it into a liquid that closely resembles that of its original, solid form. Please hold for applause. We have some more explaining to do. We've taken apples, actual apples and compressed them down until their poor skins cannot contain their contents any longer and when that happened, we compressed even more to release the sweet nectar of the apple. Then we added a little bit of sugar, you know, for fun.

Now, and only until now, can you applaud and get in line to shake the hand at the scientists that we gave massive amounts of money at to develop this master beverage. Why isn't anyone clamoring to allow these scientists, these masters of men, to impregnate their wives and determine the worthiness of their very being? I'm sorry sir, what did you say? Apple juice exists? Surely you jest. This has never been done before. What do you mean that baby has some? Baby, come here. Give me your bottle. Oh, you're very cute. Thank you. I promise I will not drink your entire bottle. I am a scientist, not a monster.

Huh. Well. This is a bit humiliating. It appears that this drink which you peasants call "apple juice" does exist and is readily available. It appears we have not only wasted your time calling you out of your homes and work, but have also wasted tens of thousands of dollars on developing something that all of you are more than familiar with. Perhaps us scientists should stop working in caves and go outside into the sunshine and fraternize with the people to find out what they really want. Our bad.