C2 Cool & Clean Green Tea Apple Flavor

"...and then we harvest our patented green tea apples."

Wait, what? Can you repeat that? I have to admit I wasn't really paying attention to your three-hour dissertation of your apple crop. I love apples, there's no disputing that, but I don't think I have the patience to listen to anyone talk about any food for that long. I mean even if I could ask Jesus anything and he would answer truthfully, I still don't think I would do it if I had to listen to him talk about wine or fish for three hours. It's just not worth the boredom. Sorry, but you were saying something about "tea apples?"

"Why yes, since you're a jerk and didn't listen to me, I will give you a brief summary of it. We grow our apple trees in a semi hydroponic environment. Every three days we replace the water they grow in for green tea. The result is a very plump, juicy apple that has a green tea flavor to it. You see the apple soaks up the essence of the...."

That's enough, friend. I understand what you're saying and I have to say that it's pretty ingenious. It's just too bad that the apples cost $10 each. No one is going to buy those. What's going to happen when no one buys them and you're left with bushels of semi rotten fruit?

"Actually that is a problem that we have already experienced. We decided the best course of action was to juice those tea apples and bottle it. You can buy bottles of it in the gift shop. They are only $2 each."

Well that's nice. I would definitely pay that. Let me go grab one. Wow this is good. It tastes exactly like what you described. You guys definitely added some sugar though. Wait a minute this says it was made in the Philippines. Last time I check we were in Akron, NY! Also it doesn't say anything about actual apples in the ingredients list. You're a liar!

"Yeah, well you're a jerk for not listening to me. Do you think it would actually be possible to make tea apples? I was just making stuff up to see how long it would take you to actually pay attention. This isn't even an apple orchard. It's a pumpkin patch. You're a jerk and idiot!"