Capt'n Eli's Strawberry Pop

Eli was no captain at all. In fact he was nothing but a little punk kid with no friends save for his parrot, Perry. You may find yourself asking, "Where did Eli befriend a tropical bird such as Perry?" I'm going to let you in on some intel about our little Eli; he's a bit of a troublemaker and a thief. Last summer he hopped a train down to Boston and stole Perry from a zoo while it was closed. No one knows how Eli got back up to Maine, or how he got the bird to come with him but here he is rowing his stupid little thief boat out to sea. Just a bit earlier he and Perry filled their rowboat up with strawberries that they stole from the back of the local Co-Op. As they were rowing away the manager overheard Perry squawking about bubbly water (He is a stupid parrot, so he repeats everything Eli says. It's said that Eli only hangs out with the parrot because he is such a narcissist.). Cases of carbonated water were constantly going missing from the local Whole Foods. The manager had his suspicions of Eli, but to him the word of that mangy bird was all he needed.

You see the end of all Eli's crime is that he is passionate about soda pop. He hated the gross syrupy sodas that he stole from the gas stations, so he took matters into his own hands. He found a cave down on a secluded beach, stole some vats and bottles and started brewing his own pop to his own specifications and tastes. Hi newest batch would be a strawberry soda that tasted more like those little strawberry candies whose wrappers look like the fruit. He wanted that in bubbly liquid form, but not so sickly sweet. Sadly Perry went nuts and overturned the boat. No one has seen Eli since. He was a menace to the town, but for some reason they missed him, so they brewed up a batch of strawberry soda for his send off. Since he had stolen all the actual strawberries they had to use artificial flavors, but I think they achieved their goal.