Doppelganger Sparkling Bitters White Peach

There is a hierarchy in the world of sparkling beverages. Much like in karate you have to go on a “journey” and complete tasks in order to reach the next tier. Wait, do you have to perform certain tasks to move onto the next belt in karate, or does it just depend on the amount of time you spend in the classes? I mean what if you have a natural talent and within the first month you can just destroy everyone in class, but show the reserve not to, do you move up the belt ranks faster? Let's just say you need to work for it and gain wisdom to move up.

You start off as a child and someone puts a garbage cup of pop in front of you. It's insanely sweet because it's full of high fructose corn syrup. You're little mind and taste buds aren't developed enough, so you think it's the greatest thing in the world. Any brand, any flavor they are all incredible to you. As time goes on you decide you prefer certain flavors and certain brands just taste better. Look at you, you've gained a new color belt. Later on in life you discover that soda sweetened with cane sugar is far superior to that with HFCS and you don't' really want to touch the garbage stuff anymore. Level up my friend. Before you know it you're an adult and your tastes have continued to evolve. Before you know it you find yourself saying things like, “Oh no thanks that is just too sweet for me.” You'll get a can of soda and drink half of it at most. You realize that there is something to flavored seltzer water and that it calms your craving for carbonation without making you feel like garbage. As you don your new imaginary soda belt you think to yourself, “This is it. I've finally reached adulthood.” You may not realize it but there is another belt. That belt is called tonic and bitters, and I for one am not quite there yet. Maybe I will when I'm in my 50's as it took me 35 years to accept seltzer as my lord and savior. Perhaps when I reach a half century on this planet I will raise a glass of bitters take a sip and say, “This certainly hits the spot, and I can die peacefully now because I know tranquility.” All of the meditation in the world cannot get you to the place of inner peace that you reach when you let tonic and bitters into your life. It is the true enlightenment, or so I can only imagine.

I hope to someday reach the final belt, but until then I will just have to sip these drinks and wonder desperately what it is about them that is alluring. I don't hate them, but I don't think I really enjoy them either. If you take a sip of this and don't breathe out it's like you're drinking a nice white peach seltzer. The fruit flavor is soft and light. It's pleasant. Then you exhale and the bitterness sets in. That aftertaste is so specific and strange to me. I will someday comprehend and enjoy it, or I will have failed as a Thirsty Dude.