Everfresh Premier Varietals Granny Smith

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am about to propose something so radical that it may literally make your heads spin, so before I tell you please sign the waivers that you will find underneath your seats that will ensure that you cannot sue us in the case of death or dismemberment. Everyone sign? Good.

For decades the world has been plagued with garbage “green apple” flavoring. Nothing about that flavor tastes anything like the juice that would fill your mouth if you plucked a nice green apple from a tree and took a big bite. No instead it tastes like fake sour garbage. Everfresh is dedicated to putting an end to that tyranny, so we proudly present you with our newest product: Granny Smith juice. It is made with actual Granny Smith apples (albeit from concentrate) and nothing chemical or foreign. This is what green apple juice should taste like. Call your congressperson and demand that this be put in place of any juice that bears the fake green apple name. We are no longer children with candy on the brain and we deserve a serious juice. I fully expect a small parade for our efforts. Thank you and goodnight.