MiO Liquid Water Enhancer Fruit Punch

I think that if Jesus was straight edge, he might make fruit punch. Think about it. It's either that or grape juice. Grape juice may be the better choice since "grapes is grapes" but let's play along.

It's hot. It's the desert so you really should have brought more water with you. The poorly designed, worse photocopied brochure you had clearly stated that you should have brought more water. Well now you're in for it. When you think all is lost, you come across a stream. Clean, pure drinking water... is boring after thirteen days and nights. You need something else. You ask around and the only person who can save you is Jesus, the dude two tents over. He said he could turn water to low calorie fruit punch. You kind of cringe as you are not currently on a diet although all the mutton you've been eating has been going straight to your hips and inner thigh area.

"Fine, dude", you say to Jesus, "We'll try your fruit punch. " And with one turnaround from Jesus, some strange squeezing sounds coming from inside his technicolor and Hypercolor dreamcoat which he has borrowed from his college roommate Joey, he presents you with a bowl of fruit punch.

You quickly drink every last drop and you are surprised that it doesn't taste more like diet. You thank Jesus for a change of pace to which he responds, "namasde" and starts making strange squeaking noises under his coat elsewhere.