Olde Brooklyn Williamsburg Root Beer

Dear Olde Brooklyn,
I marked this correspondence as private and personal, so I hope you took the proper precautions before opening it. I don't know how to tell you this without shocking your system, so I'll just come out with it. You have a spy in your product line. No, I don't mean a pointy nosed fella wearing all black or white. I'm talking about real deal espionage here. I would have called you, but I fear our phones may be tapped. This is serious business. Who knows how far their plants go into your company.

I blame the youth culture that has taken over the once fair neighborhood of "Billysburg." I believe they may have used their terrible sense of irony and love of PBR to work their way into your company. As far as I can tell, once they gained access to your factory, they found the barrels that you store your root beer in (Root beer is always stored in barrels right? Candy wouldn't lie to me!). They dumped out your supply of precious root beer and replaced it with root beer scented cola. While it may be a decent enough cola, and the little root beer that was left in the barrels flavored it slightly, it still clearly tastes like cola.

I can hear the sound of fixed gear bikes closing in on my office. I fear they may be on to me. I don't know what end these spies are working towards, but please use the knowledge I have passed onto you in whatever manner you see fit.

Sincerely,
I. M. Fletcher


ps. This message will self destruct in five seconds.