Sail Away Nitro Cold Brew Coffee Sweetened

Darren, get over here. You're fired if you don't get me that Johnson report. Darren, you had two weeks to work on that report and there are jobs on the line. What do you have to say for yourself? What's this? Coffee? You think that this single can of coffee is going to make up for the eight people that might have to lose their jobs because you were too busy, what? What were you doing instead of working on that report? Chat Roulette? Darren. I don't even know what to say. I'm actually quite sure that it is all dongs, Darren. No, I'm pretty sure that it is. I've been there. All dongs. Welp, I might as well try this coffee.

This is decent. Maybe not decent enough to save all eight jobs but enough that I'm in a good mood and might give you a four hour extension if you assure me that you will get it in by eight tonight. You know what? And you have to wash my car. Yeah, I said it. Wash my car, Darren. This weekend. Come over to my estate and wash my car. I'm sticking my neck out for you because you're our most faithful employee clocking in at nine months, a pathetic stat. Let me have another sip of this here coffee. It's good, Darren. I don't typically drink coffee with just sugar but this is sweetened just enough to take the bitter edge off regular cold brew. I'm going to have no problem drinking this as a moderate coffee drinker. I can, and will drink this whole can while you get to your desk and get cracking on that report. If you have any more of this I'll take it. Let's consider it a "backroom deal" that allows you to keep your cushy job here.