Sobe Lifewater Black Cherry Dragonfruit

You've got your best suit on and you're ready to go. It's your big day. You've got an interview at a publishing house and this is your opportunity to get out of this town. You board the train into the city and when the snack cart rolls by, you are feeling thirsty and decide to grab something to drink. You scramble through your briefcase, which you bought just for this interview because, you know, big city people carry a suitcase. You scrounge enough money to buy a Sobe Lifewater and since you're aggressively trying to get a job, you decided on the black cherry dragonfruit. Dragons don't ask questions. Dragons are closers. Who gets to drink coffee? Coffee is for closers. A.B.C. Alec Baldwin is your new spirit guide for the rest of the long train ride into the city.

You drink this drink and it's good. It's light and has a bit of a bitter erytritol taste, but you're on your way to be an adult and you can deal with a little bitterness. For the first time with a dragonfruit drink, you can actually taste it, and that pleases you because you've only had one once at an exotic fruit taste test party at a rich friend's house. What a night. Kumquat, dragonfruit, pomegranate, and the like. A night you will not soon forget.

You take the last sip and when you throw the bottle in the garbage can, the cap comes loose and spills purple juice on your crisp white shirt. You can cover most of it in your suit coat so you decide that is all you can do and you go into the interview. You talk to the CEO of the company for over an hour and things are going great. As you stand to leave, you shake his hand and he takes one last look at you and sees the newly acquired stain. He asks you what it is and since you don't want to start off on a bad foot by lying to your potential boss, you tell him that you were enjoying a Sobe Lifewater and when you threw it out, the cap flew off, spilling some on your shirt. He laughed and took his jacket off. Under the jacket lied over a dozen stains. "This is mustard and this one is ketchup. Over here we've got both black and blue ink. On the back, you've got chocolate and here on my arm is pizza. You're going to fit in great. I'll see you next Monday. Congratulations."