Sort This Out Elvira's Orange sCream Soda

Yesterday was the 4th of July and to celebrate in style I grilled up far too many veggie dogs/sausage. I suppose that doesn't differ from about half of the days in any given week in the summer. Perhaps I'm just that American all summer long.

Everyone knows that the most proper way to celebrate your country is to stuff your face with a bunch of hot dogs and wash it all down with orange soda (okay I started doing that in Canada, but it was only because I was trying to show how American I was in that foreign land). My dogs were almost done, so I went into the fridge to get my orange soda, only to realize that there was none in there. I had let America down. The closest that I had was with bottle of Elvira's Orange Scream. It's a creamsicle in soda form. It may have not been totally appropriate, but Elvira told me to make do with the situation, and who am I to argue with a woman carrying a chainsaw? She actually looks like she's about to take that chainsaw to an orange the size of a recliner. I hope she puts on proper eyewear before cutting into that, because the citrus mist it would produce would be hell on anyone's retinas.

So there I was midday just pounding veggie dogs with all the fixings (minus sprinkles, as I unfortunately was out of Bacos) and sipping on this soda. While it is still a creamsicle soda, the orange is much heavier than the cream, so that worked out well for me. I'd say that the ratio was at 75% orange soda to 25% cream, if the normal percentages for such soda were 50-50.

The celebration of America came and it went and I didn't light off a single firework. These are sad times. I ended up at some parade before the fireworks display and as old men handed out tiny flags all I would think of was when our alien overlords would run for office and their platform would be, “Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others!”