Tall Boys Lemonade

Mark and Jimmy were in the convenient store last Friday and they saw a kid who is in the grade above them buy a couple cans of alcohol. They were completely ecstatic. Everyone else in their class was always going to parties and getting drunk, but their classmates thought they were nerds, so they were never invited. It seemed like everyone they knew (except the real nerds) was always out raging on the weekends. Seeing as neither of them had ever had even a drop of alcohol before they felt left out. This was going to be their ticket to being cool, especially if they could get it on the regular. When they saw the upperclassman make his purchase they quickly dropped their Nerd Rope and Snapple and ran outside to form a plan. They would keep the location of their purchases a secret, so that the other kids would need them to supply the booze, thus insuring their place amongst the most popular in their school. It would work perfectly. They pooled up their money and since Jimmy looked a bit older he took it and went in to make the deal. He walked three laps around the aisles before finally grabbing a six-pack and taking it to the counter. The cashier looked at him like he was crazy, and told Jimmy to get out of his store. Without skipping a beat he was out the door and around the corner with Mark. What had gone wrong? Had he not given the code word of the secret handshake? Mark suggested that maybe there was just a loophole with whatever their classmate had bought. He remembered it was in a yellow can, so he grabbed the money and gave it a chance himself. He went into the store, nodded to the cashier, you know to let him know that he was “cool” and down” and then made his way to the cooler. The only can that looked anything like what the other kid bought was Tall Boys Lemonade. He grabbed as many as he could carry in his arms and walked up to the counter. He was sweating and shaking like crazy. The cashier gave him an awkward smile and rang him out. Mark couldn't believe that it worked. They were going to be the hit of the party. Things were finally turning around. No more late night pizza roll filled D&D sessions in Jimmy's dank basement. He grabbed Jimmy and they ran all the way out to the fields where the party was taking place. Everyone at the party gave them dirty looks when they showed up, that is until they announced that they had alcohol. After that everyone was all smiles and pats on the back. Since it was Mark that got the drinks he started passing them out to everyone. It took about .3 seconds for everyone to look at them like they were idiots and the taunting to start. You see while many companies sell beer and malt liquor in tallboy cans, the company Tall Boys does not make alcoholic drinks. The cans that Mark and Jimmy brought to the party were simply carbonated lemonade. Mediocre carbonated lemonade at that. The embarrassment was too much to take. They ran until they could run no more and ended up in the cemetery. Who knows why they went there, but they sat on the headstones and discussed how hellish Monday morning was going to be at school. All the while they downed can after can of cheap lemonade. They decided they deserved to make them selves sick for being such idiots. When Jimmy finally gave the cans a good look, it became obvious to him that they weren't alcoholic. There wasn't even any real lemon juice in them, just citric acid. He was highly confused as to why it was carbonated though; since nowhere except in the ingredient list does it say anything about it being so. After their fifth can each they decided that it tasted like highly sweetened floor cleaner with bubbles. Their purchase had been a mistake on so many levels.