Trader Joe's Radiant Water Tropical

Dude, I'm so glad I caught you. You'll never guess what happened last night. I was walking around, minding my own business when aliens abducted me. I know it sounds nutty but it really happened. It was kind of clichè, honestly. A UFO, round with a glass dome on top, flew over me, shined a light and I was sucked up into it. How did it feel? Um, it was just like it sounded, actually. Not painful, a little slower that I expected it to be, and just kind of like they turned down the gravity a bit.

So I'm in the spaceship and everything is chrome and white. There are aliens in there that started speaking a strange language to me and when they saw that I didn't understand, they just kind of switched over to English, but British English like in the movie Dreamcatcher. They said they were marketing some new drink and wanted someone "out of this world" to try it. I told them that it was a very lame line but I would help them anyways. Then they sat me down in an uncomfortable looking but incredibly comfortable chair and started pouring some drinks down my throat with a carafe that looked like it had been stolen from Denny's.

I've got to tell you, though. This drink, like their odd target demographic, was out of this world. It was somehow light but super flavorful and they said it was "tropical" but I've tasted a lot of fruit and a lot of "tropical" drinks and aside from a little lemon, everything else was indistinguishably fantastic. I mean it. I asked if I could take a carafe home but they said that this was a survey and all they could pay me was $20. I said that was fine, they beamed me down, and that was that.

I know you don't believe it but it's the truth. I gave them my mailing address and they said if it goes through the proper approved process and makes it to production, they would send me some. Here's hoping to that. I hope they ask me to do another survey.