Corn Sweetener - 3 Reviews

The scientific community has been shocked that the great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson of Ben Franklin strived to do for most of his life; capture the energy in a bolt of lightning in a can for human consumption. It was not widely publicized in the day that those were his true intentions with all his experiments and inventions, due to the fact that not that much time had passed since the Salem witch trials and no one wants to be drowned or crushed by a ton of rocks. Our Founding Father never succeeded in his quest, but each generation of his lineage has since added to his work. It wasn't until Stevie Franklin reached a 100% achievements in Skyrim, took a gigantic rip from his 4-foot bong and took a cursory look at his ancestor's work that everything fell into place. Being the consummate stoner, Stevie knew how to make any household items into a smoking device and he took that knowledge, skewed it a bit and by the next thunderstorm he had a can of lightning.

Most people have no idea that lighting is really made up of glucuronolactone, ribose, inositol, potassium citrate, caffeine and a whole mess of B vitamins. In its liquid form it can provide an individual with great amounts of energy that Stevie hopes to use in order to crush teenagers in Halo. Lightning has a strange chemical taste that is like most energy drinks, in a way that is similar, but with a berry flavor all it's own. The only thing is that it tends to be a bit tart. Stevie added 23g of corn sweeteners to combat that problem, but it still has that tartness to it.

This is a scientific breakthrough that could change the entire world, but in true form of his ganja freak friends, Stevie doesn't mind if others use his work, but he's just too lazy to write any of it down for them.

When you read the following please pretend that the guy who announces movie previews is reading it to you. That is the way the artist meant for it to be absorbed.

In a world of plastic bottle sodas, one pop had the courage to climb the top of the mountain. She wasn't a normal birch beer. A pigment disorder rendered her clear, but she wasn't about to let that stop her from reaching the top of FROZEN RUN!

FROZEN RUN is the tale of a young girl who fought the prejudice against her to stand out amongst the plastic bottle sodas. She fought long and hard to shrug off her roots of cheap discount store sodas to climb a mountain in the Pennsylvanian countryside to proclaim to the world that she had a voice and it would be heard.

FROZEN RUN is a tale about love, life, loss and the crispest birch beer you will ever taste. It has the crispness of mint with out the actual mint flavor.

FROZEN RUN. Coming soon to a gas station and mini mart near you. That is if you live in central PA.

There is a scientist somewhere whose sole purpose in life is to create flavoring that tastes like various fruits. He's just sitting in a lab working things out with a white coat on and everything. It's a hard line of work that he's in. Sure companies could actually use the fruit they say their flavors taste like, but they are just too cheap for the money involved with that. So this sole scientist slaves over various extracts and syrups serving his master companies. The higher ups applaud his work and tell him that he is spot on with the taste. He knows better though. He knows his work taste vaguely chemical and at best is only halfway to the actual taste he's looking for. He cries himself to sleep in his tiny studio apartment. He spends so much time at the lab that he doesn't have time for relationships.

Don't worry soldier, we know that someday you'll get the flavors right. You were almost there with this blueberry. Every other sip actually tastes like the fruit. The others taste like sweet "fruity" sugar water. It's an uphill battle you're fighting, but don't give up. Someday you will revolutionize the flavor business.