Admiral - 5 Reviews

We're having a real problem with the drinking water here, Admiral. I don't know if we're refilling the drums with clean water and I'm afraid that we're filling it with water from the sea. Why do I ask? Well look at this cup. Number one issue I see is that it's slightly brown. Number two issue is that there are tiny rocks in it. I thought we addressed this issue last season when those dudes got sick from drinking water from a dirty stream. Sorry, I didn't mean "dudes," sir, I meant "men." So we're here drinking this fishy water and I see that you've always got a can of something. We are all in this together with everything and I don't think that drinking water should be an exception.

What is in that can that we can't have that you can have? Admiral iced tea? With lemon?! You're smuggling in a constant stream of cans of iced tea with the money we're making from shrimping? That money is supposed to go to pay the men at the end of the season and you're buying cans of this tea when we go to land. Pallets of what? You're buying pallets of this stuff? With all due respect, sir, we're eating mashed potatoes and drinking fish water for days and you've got canned iced tea. That hardly seems fair. And steaks?! Sir. I'm afraid that this may be my last season on the ship. Office Depot is hiring. My cousin is the assistant manager and he said he could get me in the ink refilling department.

I would actually like a can, if you are offering. You know what, sir? This isn't too bad. It's lightly lemon and black tea. It doesn't taste terribly natural like something mama would make but it's not too bad. I don't think that I will buy it when we get to land, but it's light years better than the salty seawater we're drinking.

Admiral, we have been together for almost a decade and I respect you, but as I said, Office Depot is offering me a position in the fairly stagnant position of ink filler and I will probably be taking it at the end of this shrimp season. Thank you for the last ten years of your time and it has been an honor to work next to you. What's the difference between "letter" and "A4" paper? I'm going to have to study up.

Captain, we have a problem. We're about to set voyage and we just realized that we only have enough beverages on this ship to last us until tomorrow. I don't know who messed up, but we'll find out and they will be scrubbing the galley in no time.

Sailor, first things first; I am an admiral, not a lowly captain. I control entire fleets of ships, and I eat captains with my morning granola. That's right, cannibalism is okay because I am an admiral. It will do you well not to forget that in the future. As for our little problem, don't sweat it ensign. Being an admiral and all I have the inside line to many things that you lower sailors do not. One of them happens to be a line of teas created for my kind. That's also right; us admirals like to think of ourselves as a different race. We are descended from mermen, but you didn't hear that from me. I can get us as many cases of tea as we'll need for this voyage by 0900 tomorrow.

Have you ever had Arizona and Peace Tea before ensign? Well, tea made for admirals falls somewhere between the two. It tastes more like Razzleberry Peace Tea, but it is sweetened with HFCS, so it has more of the consistency of Arizona. You might ask why they don't use a higher grade of sweetener for the master sea race. The fact of the matter is that our kind really just likes the thickness of corn syrup. It makes us feel like a drink has more substance. Call us crazy, but that is how my kind has always felt and always will feel.

Now let's get these people down to Cozumel. They paid decent money for this cruise and we're going to show them the best time we possibly can!

I don't mean to bring up old stuff, but the South lost again. The battle of sweet tea is a battle filled with casualties and here is yet another poor soul that just can't make the cut.

Is it too much to ask that the simplest concoction ever created be made right? Black tea and sugar. Done. If you need to put preservatives in there in increase shelf life, I'm cool with that. Once you start mixing all sorts of other garbage in there it starts to go downhill. Corn syrup will never be an ingredient in a good quality sweet tea. This drink tastes like if you ordered a tea at a restaurant, didn't know that it was unsweetened, and then poured miscellaneous sugar packets into it. One of the final ingredients in this is sucralose and you would think that you would not be able to tell but you can. You know that strange aftertaste? That's the sucralose, detective.

Arizona and Admiral. You know better than that. Why let me, a self-described stupid idiot, teach you how to make a drink? You are drink companies and should know the lay of the land. I'll give you this one for free.

I bought one of these while I was in Vegas. I had planned on drinking it on our last day, on a trip to Red Rock Canyon, but the temperature was so high that by the time I opened it the drink was almost hot. Bummer. I took a couple of sips and then dumped the rest, as we were flying out in a few hours and I had no way to cool it down. Cut to a couple of days ago when Mike and I found a bunch of Admiral teas in Buffalo. I was excited to try it while actually cold. Hansen's makes it, so my hopes were high. I did find it odd that they sweetened it with HFCS since their sodas all have cane sugar in them. Tall boys of iced tea are usually an exception for me for HFCS. There are a lot of them out there that have it that are still tasty. This wasn't bad, but it wasn't great like it could have been. The sweetener made it a little syrupy and the mango flavor tasted like some other product that is very specific, but I just can't put my finger on what it is. It's driving me crazy. I liked it, but a tall boy was too much of it for me (and I'm a drink glutton). If it had come in a 16oz can I think I would have enjoyed it more, but I was over it by the time I was getting to the bottom of this big fella.

After the saddest strip club these eyes have ever seen, we decided to try our luck in Ybor City, a delightful little place that I wish we had gone instead of Channelside. Look, no offense to the people of Channelside, but that is a place for tourists and dummies. Thanks for putting everything into a neat little "Off Ramp" style plaza, but I like a bit of dirt and grime with my travels.

We walked half a dozen of the most David Caruso friendly, murder-welcoming blocks, literally over onto the "Good Side" of actual railroad tracks, to Ybor city. I'm on a quest for drinks and the dudes I was with wanted dranks. There is a difference. I saw a convenience store that looked like it would have some gems in it so my sights were locked in. After a few attempts to go into bars failed, I got my chance. We had people waiting outside so I had to make it quick. I grabbed this ice tea, which we haven't reviewed, and skipped some other things that I could have grabbed but I knew our luggage was packed tight and I didn't want to risk not being able to bring it aboard the boat. Cut to this morning.

After a good, Continental breakfast with fantastic home fries, I wanted to give it a whirl. I was reluctant due to it being a tallboy of hackneyed green tea, but there is something else in this can. I can't put my finger on it. I want to say Mason. No! Floral. I don't know exactly what it is but it sets itself apart from the seemingly endless array of "green tea with ginseng and honeys out there. Taste, though... Eh. No green tea bite, no honey flavor. I mean, it's good, but that mystery taste is overwhelming and takes away from the intended flavors of the tea.

In twenty minutes I will board a shuttle to the docks and embark on my travels. I hope we don't have rough seas because between the mediocre-at-best food and a wavy ship, I might just throw up inside of a water slide.