Aloha - 7 Reviews

Darling, you look parched. Allow me to fulfill my boyfriendly duties and get you something to drink.

Man, there is nothing to drink in here. It's like a college kids fridge in here. How many ketchups and mustards do you need? Cripes. This milk expired two weeks ago. I don't even now what there is in here besides new beer and old spaghetti and pizza. Alright, what do we have here. Oh, alright. Apple juice. Let me grab a cup here...all absolutely filthy. Now I've got to wash a cup. This is turning into quite a tall order. Oh...oh fantastic. There is enough for half a glass. I can't give her this. What else is in this kitchen. Oh! Iced tea mix. Awesome. I'll just mix half a glass of that in here and have a special little treat.

Here you go, honey. I did the best I could because you are the best I could ask for. What do you mean you don't like it? Let me try it. Yeah, it tastes just like this stuff I drank when I went on vacation with an old girlfriend to Hawaii called Aloha Apple Iced Tea. It's just apple juice and iced tea. You really don't like it? It's better than the PBR's you've got in the fridge. Jesus, Cathy. You're thirty four and your fridge looks like you're a poor undergrad. I had nothing to pick from and I didn't think that ten thirty while watching The View was a good time to crack a cold one. I was wrong? You know what, Cathy? I, too, don't think that this is working out. Give me that glass. I put too much work into this for you to not appreciate it. This drink is like a mirror for this relationship. Enjoy your toga parties, O.A.R. shows, and keg stands. Oh, and I don't think that it's attractive that you walk around all the time without shoes and socks. I think that it's disgusting and when you touch your dirty feet against me at bed I've never felt so dirty in my entire life.

Can you sign my petition? For what? Can't you read? It's to increase awareness about passion fruit. No, not the passion for fruit. Passion fruit. The fruit called passion fruit. Yeah, I know you've heard of it but people aren't eating it enough. It's not enough places and it's not used enough. Sure you get something here or there but look at mangoes. Those guys are in salsas and dips and ice cream and everything. They're from the same places. You don't think that passion fruit chutney would be as good as mango chutney? That's right you do. So sign this petition. You know what? I thought you'd say that. I thought you would say that you have to try it again. That's what this is all about. Everyone knows what an apple tastes like. I want passion fruit to be the next apple. Here you go. We were sponsored by this Hawaiian company that makes really good passion fruit juice. Here's a cup of it to sample.

What did you think? Good, right? Yeah. What do you like about it. It's sweet, right. Floral, yeah. Yeah, this is a juice and not a nectar, so you're not going to get any of the seeds or grit that you might be used to. It's really good, right. It tastes like a passion fruit. Why didn't I just give you a slice of passion fruit? Well they're hard to find here because supermarkets don't stock them like they should. Our petition requires that supermarkets have at least one case of passion fruits in stock at all times. We hope that this encourages people to buy them, try them, love them, tell their friends, and spread the good word about our friend, the passion fruit.

What do you mean you won't sign it? You liked it, didn't you? Yeah, so why won't you sign it. Really, come on, lady. You're really going to buy a mango smoothie right in front of me like that? I guess it's our fault for holding this rally next to a smoothie stand that doesn't carry passion fruits. You know what, guys? Pack it in. We're done here.

I don't think I've ever eaten a guava, like a real guava off a tree. Why would I see one of those as they are not indigenous to Buffalo? Sure I could have taken a trip somewhere but I've only been "out West" once and they most certainly don't have Guava in Las Vegas. Do they have them in Florida? I'm going there next month. Maybe I'll make it my task to find one. I don't have anything else to do. When I get it, I'll try and compare it to a drink that I would have drank a month ago at that point. What does it taste like now? Well friend, I'll tell you.

As far as nectars go, this is not the way I like it. I like my nectars with some grip in there. That's right. I like a nice, sandy juice. It just lets me know that things are happening. Grit aside, this is a good juice. It doesn't taste too sweet and is basically just water, sugar and guava so why would it. No fake sweeteners or additives. Just good, old fashioned fruit juice. Give this to your kids. Don't accept any substitutes; only the finest for your little brat.

Pineapple juice? Check. Orange juice? Check. Together? What is a half-check? That's just like a "v," right? This is fine. I'm making jokes about what half a check mark looks like. Ugh, terrible material. Some kid told me I should do comedy at a local bar. I hope he reads this and regrets ever even thinking it, let alone saying it.

This, although not a certified trip to Hawaii, is a decent liquid representation of what I assume Hawaii is. It's not too bad. It's not as great as Hawaii probably is, though. It's not super pineapple and it's really not "really orange." Together it's an acceptable blend of the two but nothing that should ever be considered an award winning drink. It is pulpless, gutless, and nothing to write home about. Once again, nothing like Hawaii. Just go to Hawaii and eat both of these fruits. It will be better.

One of the things that I love about the Aloha drinks is that the order they list the flavors on the can is the order that you taste them. In this drink you instantly get a very strong strawberry flavor that transfers into the tropical guava sweetness. I also appreciate that they use fruit purees instead of fruit juice from concentrate. Keeping it classy.

I always think I don't particularly like swimming. There were two instances in my childhood where I almost died. I rarely think about them, but water doesn't seem very inviting. I'm not afraid of it. Cliff jumping is high on my list of favorite things to do. It just normally seems boring. I think the fact that my skin instantly combusts in the sun probably factors in. Today I discovered a new thing I like to do in water; snorkeling. I was face down in the water for nearly two hours. I chased all sorts of fish all over the reef. I saw tons of crazy neon tropical fish, and even two creepy "sea spiders."

Do you know what the body needs after two hours of snorkeling in the ocean? Refreshment. For that I chose juice, specifically this tropical local juice. It was a wise decision on my part. It was nice and cold and quenched what I thought was an undying thirst. How was I thirsty? I was in the water for so long. My stupid body needs to learn to absorb fluids. I must evolve!

The juice was mostly passion fruit flavored with a slight orange undertone. I had expected the orange to be stronger, and was pleasantly surprised to find I was wrong. I'm really going to miss Aloha juices when I have to head home.

Today I went on a long horseback ride through mountains and beaches. If I had long hair it would have been flowing through the breeze. Since I do not, I instead got a dusting of red dry mud. That's dirt for you amateurs out there. After my ride I settled down with a couple of very dusty dogs and I downed a can of this local iced tea.

The can boasts proudly that there is no HFCS contained with in and that they use the finest natural cane sugar. This got me pumped. I love tea in cans. I have a ridiculous theory that the tea continuously brews in the can making it more potent. It's also rare to find a cane sugar tea in a can.

I cracked this baby open and took a huge chug in the blistering sunlight. Then I wiped the dribble from my mouth using the back of my hand, thus creating wet dirt. Did I enjoy the refreshment? You betcha. Was it special? Not really. It was reminiscent of Nestea. I had hoped for something a little better, but it got the job done.