Cocaine - 1 Review

I feel like Indiana Jones with this drink. No lie. I had heard legends that it existed, but had never seen any proof. There were murmurs that it was at this store or that, but I would show up and there would be no truth to the stories. You see this drink came out a few years ago and was quickly pulled from the shelves by the creators, due to impending arrests. Why were there going to be arrests? It seems they were advertising on the can that this was a legal substitute for the illicit street drug of the same name. Of course this caused all sorts of rumors as to why it was pulled. Some said the level of caffeine being too high. Others claimed that there were trace amounts of cocaine in the drink. Rubbish. Things had been quite and I was settling down to a life of teaching drink archeology (I am a scientist after all). Suddenly it came down the wire from a reliable source that a tiny mini mart in the Black Rock section of town had a couple of cans. I jumped in my car with my own tiny version of "Short Round" (my girlfriend who was confused for a toddler earlier today while sitting in the back of a car) and we made our way across town. We dodged obstacles (construction and missing a turn) and made it to the store. We bounded through the doors and searched the coolers. Nothing. It seems I was misled again. Resigned to go back to teaching I sighed, turned around and started making my way towards the exit. Suddenly from the corner of my eye I notice a smaller, almost hidden, cooler by the register. There is an almost holy glow emanating from it. There before me was my Grail. I quickly grabbed a can and slammed it on the register. As the cashier and I exchanged currency for product I felt as if I was switching a bag of stones for my treasure. (Yes I know it wasn't the Grail he switched for his bag of stones.) As soon as the transaction was complete I was out the door for fear of giant boulders, or snakes.....I hate snakes Jock! Outside there was a whole mess of cop cars. (Yes I would say there was a plethora of them El Guapo...Sorry wrong movie.) Short Round Natalie and I dove in my car and got the hell out of there, before we could hear an officer proclaim "The drinks will be found! You won't!"

Back in the safety of headquarters I rounded up the troops and we cracked our treasure open. I took a big sniff of it. It was a formidable scent; it stung the nostrils. (Again, wrong movie.) There was also an undertone of strawberry. I took a big swig and the flavor was definitely strawberry. Suddenly one of the craziest burns I've ever experienced set in. It was like a ginger or a capsicum burn, similar to those in the Prometheus Springs beverages. People had described this drink to me in the past as drinking liquid razor blades. Although it did hurt, it was in a very good way. After passing it around Mike said it tasted like Faygo Red Pop. Dan said it tasted like red War Heads candy. They were both right. This is one of the craziest drinks I've ever had. It also is said to have 3.5x's the energy as a can of Red Bull. I don't think this beverage is anything close to being healthy for you, but it certainly is interesting.

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This is the warning they put on the cans now to ensure there is no legal recourse:
This message is for the people who are too stupid to recognize the obvious. This product does not contain the drug cocaine (duh). This product is not intended to be an alternative to an illicit street drug, and anyone who thinks otherwise is an idiot.

I love them.