Dextrose - 7 Reviews

Jay says to me he says, "We've got this briefcase of drinks and they're like protein drinks but they don't taste like protein drinks." Then he hands me a cardboard briefcase of these drinks. How can I turn down a proposal like that? I could be a high power, yet ecologically concerned, sales person in the time when kids used to have those clear, acrylic backpacks so teachers could see what they are carrying in case they are carrying bombs and/or guns. Ahh, this post-911 world is something, isn't it? We've got to carry around briefcases made of cardboard with little see-through holes so you can see, "No, ma'am. That's not a gun. That's a protein drink. No need to phone the police on me. Have a nice day, now. That's for assuming that because I have a beard and tattoos that I carry around weapons."

So I've got this briefcase of drinks and Jay blows through the other ones and says, "You do the watermelon." Don't have to ask me twice. I drink it and it's good. It's like a Vitamin Water but maybe a little thicker. Not "protein drink" thick, but thick enough for me to feel the need to mention. There wasn't any gross, artificial sweetener taste to it regardless of it actually having an artificial sweetener in it. Then again, actual Vitamin Water doesn't use real sugar and it doesn't taste gross so they might be on to something.

The watermelon flavor is a bit "candied" but isn't so sweet that it is like liquid watermelon candy; a though that makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about. It's not too strong of a watermelon flavor either so it's not offensive even of itself.

Look; yes. I had a briefcase of drinks and although I knew a kid in high school that had a bit of an issue with a pipe bomb, there is no need for me to carry that thing around with me. I can carry opaque stuff just like anyone else and if a cop wants to ask to see what's in my bag, please do. Enjoy my assortment of drinks, inevitably varied metal, pop, and indie rock records, and whatever else I've got in that thing. You sir, you wasted your time because that guy across the street probably has a pound of weed in his hemp, drawstring backpack. I mean, come on, officer. He's wearing a tie dye Grateful Dead dancing bear shirt in the year 2013. No way he'd pee clean.

Whilst reading about the great mythical creatures of ancient Greece the idea for Nu Aquos was born. You see all of the best monsters in history are nothing more than multiple creatures thrown together in some sort of pre-gene splicing experiment. Why couldn't what Minotaurs, Centaurs, Pegasus, Harpies and the like have done for animals be translated into the beverage world?

After months of experimenting Nu Aquos was born. Finally a beverage that could simultaneously rehydrate, restore and recover hit the market. The way it was achieved was by creating a hybrid of a protein drink, sports drink and well…€¦Vitamin Water. If you think about it you can actually taste each of those entities in the drink underneath a pomegranate, acai and blueberry flavor that is as strong as it is in any of its sum parts.

I'd like to see an ad campaign with the previously mentioned creatures all pounding these drinks to help them get through their tough days of fighting off warriors. Hilarity would ensue. Hilarity that even the gods would enjoy.

Dear friends and colleagues, we don't need a “new water,” the current version is doing just fine thank you. If for some reason you needed something more, may I suggest one of those fancy alkalized ones? They are somehow way smoother than regular water, and I'm a person who normally says all waters are the same.

One thing I can say for certain is that in no way should anyone consider this line to be a new water, as its name hints. Water is essential. This is not. It in no way should be a replacement beverage, but I do think it could work well along side with water. It's chock full of vitamins and minerals, electrolytes and protein. I can understand what they are going for as it will certainly help the drinker rehydrate and refresh. Most importantly with it's pairing with water is that I think it needs to be watered down. It is one of those drinks that upon first sip you question in your mind if it is actually a concentrate. Okay, it's not that strong, but the flavors are a bit oppressive, and it would be hard for me to down a full bottle in a sitting. It has a candied peach mango flavor to it, and it tastes like someone put far too much of that flavor into the rest of this mix.

It's a slightly thicker beverage, but it doesn't have any trace of that traditional chalky protein taste. In all honesty if they had just held back a bit on the peach mango flavoring this could be a work of art. Well maybe the art that a teenager would do. You know they think it's all deep and meaningful, but you could go to any town in the US and find another teenager who drew the exact same thing. How is that relevant to this review? I honestly have no idea.

NOS has decided to delve into the world of sports drinks. If you weren't careful, this could easily be mistaken for a bottle of Gatorade or Powerade or Genericade. They all have what plants crave, but this one also has caffeine. I like that companies started to include the amount of caffeine on the label because I can see this bottle has the equivalent of a couple 12oz cups of coffee.

But you didn't come here to learn how to prank your friends who love sports drinks but are sensitive to caffeine. You came here to find out what this tastes like. Well, the flavor description is pretty accurate in this case. It's like a fruit salad that no one would ever make, but is surprisingly not that bad. It's not as refreshing/thirst quenching as normal/non-caffeinated sports drinks though. It tastes like a lot of non-carbonated energy drinks we've had. So in that respect, this really would be a mean prank to pull on someone.

"A Drink For The Tired Athlete" might not be the greatest line, Jim. I know we at NOS pride ourselves on cool packaging and potent energy drinks but the term "tired" is kind of insulting, don't you think? Yes, this is our first foray into the world of hydration but this isn't our first tagline and that one isn't going to push a lot of product. Jim, come on. Look, this isn't our finest drink, I know, but we aren't the type of company to phone it in. We can't be lazy, especially since there are other players already in the market. Let's take a look at what we've got here before we move any further.

We've got an energy drink. We've already proven ourselves a big fish in that market. Let's just move on. We've got a hydration drink. Yes, it's like Gatorade and Powerade but we're mixing other stuff in so it's different. Those other guys don't have caffeine in there and we do so we are going to stand out. The fruit punch flavor is really hard, or so I hear from the flavor scientists at the lab. They did an alright job with this. Right when you take a sip you get a good fruit punch flavor. That lasts about a second. What's strange is that when it sits on your tongue for any longer it starts to get more and more stingy. I don't know where that's coming from to be honest. Neither does the lab. You think they would since they carefully added each ingredient.

You know what, Jim? The more I think about it; maybe it's the lab guys that are the issue. It's easy not to release a bad item into the marketplace. You just don't do it. These guys said it was alright and pushed it out and it's not bad but it's got a certain "really diet energy drink" taste to it. It tastes like a really diet version of two otherwise fine things. That diet branch might have just allowed me to go on a purge of my own because I'm about to trim the fat all over this place, Jim. Get out of my office! I've got some firing to do!

It's a little known fact that after the robot wars died down Shockwave, the second in command of the Deceptacons, started dabbling in the energy drink game. He got so into it that he altered his laser arm to be a drink dispenser (you know like in a fast food restaurant). It was strange times. After several failed attempts at classic energy drinks he decided to take it in ta-other direction. He realized that the United States is slowly becoming more health conscious, and while they still don't care about adding extra stress to their hearts they want healthier alternatives to their beverages. He then designed a carbonated energy juice. He basically carbonated some orange juice (with a handful of other fruit juices mixed in for an extra kick) and added the usual suspects of energy giving supplements; taurine, caffeine, b vitamins and others. His past creations were fairly average because he didn't have a group of human taste testers, but for this he fed it to elementary school kids who then finished recess in record-breaking time. He realized that he had made something very special. As a single robotic tear formed from his one digital eye, Megatron showed up and turned into a giant gun and shot him in the face. Tragic really. The world will now never know what future wonders this drink guru would have come up with.

I feel like Indiana Jones with this drink. No lie. I had heard legends that it existed, but had never seen any proof. There were murmurs that it was at this store or that, but I would show up and there would be no truth to the stories. You see this drink came out a few years ago and was quickly pulled from the shelves by the creators, due to impending arrests. Why were there going to be arrests? It seems they were advertising on the can that this was a legal substitute for the illicit street drug of the same name. Of course this caused all sorts of rumors as to why it was pulled. Some said the level of caffeine being too high. Others claimed that there were trace amounts of cocaine in the drink. Rubbish. Things had been quite and I was settling down to a life of teaching drink archeology (I am a scientist after all). Suddenly it came down the wire from a reliable source that a tiny mini mart in the Black Rock section of town had a couple of cans. I jumped in my car with my own tiny version of "Short Round" (my girlfriend who was confused for a toddler earlier today while sitting in the back of a car) and we made our way across town. We dodged obstacles (construction and missing a turn) and made it to the store. We bounded through the doors and searched the coolers. Nothing. It seems I was misled again. Resigned to go back to teaching I sighed, turned around and started making my way towards the exit. Suddenly from the corner of my eye I notice a smaller, almost hidden, cooler by the register. There is an almost holy glow emanating from it. There before me was my Grail. I quickly grabbed a can and slammed it on the register. As the cashier and I exchanged currency for product I felt as if I was switching a bag of stones for my treasure. (Yes I know it wasn't the Grail he switched for his bag of stones.) As soon as the transaction was complete I was out the door for fear of giant boulders, or snakes.....I hate snakes Jock! Outside there was a whole mess of cop cars. (Yes I would say there was a plethora of them El Guapo...Sorry wrong movie.) Short Round Natalie and I dove in my car and got the hell out of there, before we could hear an officer proclaim "The drinks will be found! You won't!"

Back in the safety of headquarters I rounded up the troops and we cracked our treasure open. I took a big sniff of it. It was a formidable scent; it stung the nostrils. (Again, wrong movie.) There was also an undertone of strawberry. I took a big swig and the flavor was definitely strawberry. Suddenly one of the craziest burns I've ever experienced set in. It was like a ginger or a capsicum burn, similar to those in the Prometheus Springs beverages. People had described this drink to me in the past as drinking liquid razor blades. Although it did hurt, it was in a very good way. After passing it around Mike said it tasted like Faygo Red Pop. Dan said it tasted like red War Heads candy. They were both right. This is one of the craziest drinks I've ever had. It also is said to have 3.5x's the energy as a can of Red Bull. I don't think this beverage is anything close to being healthy for you, but it certainly is interesting.

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This is the warning they put on the cans now to ensure there is no legal recourse:
This message is for the people who are too stupid to recognize the obvious. This product does not contain the drug cocaine (duh). This product is not intended to be an alternative to an illicit street drug, and anyone who thinks otherwise is an idiot.

I love them.