Gross Gus's - 2 Reviews

As far as wild cherry pop goes, this is pretty high on the list. As far as wild cherry pop goes, I never drink the stuff. This is very sweet and very fruity. It's the liquid equivalent of a wild cherry Jolly Rancher. It's good but it's eight times too much for sane human consumption.

The photo on the cover however...that really portrays a bloody nose. That photo shoot was one for the record book, I'm sure. They're probably using blood capsules or something but whatever they did even made me think for a split second that it was what I was drinking. I'm smarter than that but for some reason the photo and the gratuitous amount of blood pouring out of the person's nose made me think that's what it was.

Great job, Gross Gus. You've done it again.

To get access to dragon drool, one has to read up on many resources. You have to learn how to tell long stories that don't go anywhere about delicious food that are equal parts delicious as they are boring. You learn this skill and then you try it whenever you feel the time is right.

You first have to go to the top of Gumdrop Mountain. That's where the dragons live. It seems strange, I know, but dragons love novelty sized gumdrops. If you didn't know this, you should read a book about dragons, you idiot. Travel to the top of the mountain and start telling your story telling the story that you've practiced so many times before. As soon as you see the dragon, they should already be partially groggy. Keep going because for the minute you think he's sleeping, he'll wake up and burn you to a nice golden brown and then eat you like the delectable treat you are.

If you manage to get him to sleep, you've done the first part of your job. The second is to get the stones to go right up to the dragon and put a little jar under its mouth and catch the drool. You've only got about ten minutes before he wakes up. Oh, you didn't know that dragons only took cat naps? Yep. Pesky devils, aren't they? After nine minutes, grab that jar and run down the hill. When the dragon wakes up, he's going to be hella hungry.

Now for the fun part: drinking the drool. Just take a sip. It smells stronger than it is and tastes just like licorice. You think that it will taste just like jelly beans but it's weaker than that. It doesn't linger like jelly beans because it doesn't stick in your teeth like they do. It's not too sweet but it's surprisingly sweet for being a dragon's tears.

Now that you've mastered the art of coaxing dragon tears, you can do anything. You can ride a bike. You can braid your hair. You can eat artichokes. You are the master of your domain.