Harcos Laboratories - 3 Reviews

The journey has been long and hard. I've come so far that I never thought it would end like this. Here I sit bleeding out after some lame ogres performed a sneak attack on me. I can't believe I didn't see those big lunks coming. Seriously they are about as graceful as drunken elephants, yet they got the drop on me. I had so much gold that I could hardly carry it. Also, my weapons were at their highest level. Now it's all gone. I am going to die with nothing but the clothes on my back…€¦wait a minute! I totally forgot that I had stashed a vile of the essence of Mana in my boot. I took it out of my satchel because I was afraid my abundance of gold would crush it. I really thought I was going to need this when I fought the dark wizard, but if I don't drink it now I'm never going to make it to her lair anyways. Bottoms up. Oh my god this is horrible. I think perchance the keeper of the inn I stayed at a few nights ago switched out my Mana for some tropical flavored floor cleaner. The taste is something I would associate with a fluid that would burn on the way down, yet it is smooth. Smooth and horribly gross. It looks like I am going to die after all, and now with the taste of foolishness in my mouth. What's this? I can feel something surging in me. My wound seems to be healing and my strength is returning. Mana may taste like garbage, but it sure is doing its job correctly. I feel better than I have in years. The energy coursing through my veins is unstoppable. Now I'm off to find those ogres and crush some skulls to get my gear and riches back.

I hate these damn kids who are trying to be vampires. I know people who work in banks are always afraid of being robbed, but who would have thought a blood bank would be robbed on a regular basis? Have there always been teenagers who want to be vampires? Bram Stoker wrote Dracula back in 1897 so they have been a part of popular culture for over 100 years. I obviously wasn't alive back then but I can only assume it inspired some kids to want to drink blood. The earliest vampire craze I can remember vividly is when Buffy: The Vampire Slayer came out but I was still delivering papers back then. Ever since these stupid Twilight books and movies have become popular, I've had at least 3 nerdy teenagers a week trying to steal blood while I work the overnight shift.

Luckily I've discovered something to outsmart them. Harcos Labs makes this Blood Energy Potion that looks just like a pouch of blood. I've started to hang them up in front of the real blood pouches so when the kids run in and grab them, they don't get the good stuff. The jokes on them because this stuff tastes like bubble gum that's been soaking in a cup of fruit punch. The high-energy content will also make them twitch. I can only hope that it solves the problem and these kids get a life.

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We originally reviewed this for a Halloween drink article we did for Auxiliary Magazine. To read the full article and to check out the awesome magazine go to http://auxiliarymagazine.com.

Are you sick and tired of worrying about the impending zombie apocalypse? Does it keep you up at night thinking about the day when you and your family will be attacked and the walking dead will rip the flesh from your bones in order to get to your sweet, sweet brain nectar? Harcos Laboratories has a new product to put your mind at ease.

After years of research, and movie watching, it was scientifically proven that zombie's do not attack their own kind. With this knowledge Harcos employees worked long and hard in the lab to come up with a syrup derived from actual zombie blood that will cause the imbiber to give off certain pheromones that will trick the living dead into thinking you have already been turned. In layman's terms your brains will smell like butt-soup to them instead of sizzling prime rib.

It's lucky for us that zombie blood in its natural state tastes like melted green freezie pops. The difference is that downing this I.V. pouch won't make you cough like the dickens. Unlike the mind, it's not a terrible thing to taste. It is also has added ingredients to give you extra energy to run to safety in case you are in the .01 percentile that are unaffected by the blood of reanimated corpses.


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We originally reviewed this for a Halloween drink article we did for Auxiliary Magazine. To read the full article and to check out the awesome magazine go to http://auxiliarymagazine.com.