Glucose - 17 Reviews

Hello, my name is Jason and I have an energy drink problem. It all started off with late night drives, and me grabbing a Red Bull or what have you to keep me awake. Then I was occasionally drinking them on long days of work to give me a push to make it to the end of the day. Before I knew it I loved the taste that I used to have to force myself through. I justified it to myself that it wasn't a regular occurrence and they were special treats for me. Then the turning point came. Over the course of the past two months Big Lots was blowing out different energy drinks for $.50 and $.33 respectively. I stocked up using the old adage that I would be losing money if I didn't. Then they were staring me in the face and instead of being a treat they became an every other day thing, now it seems it's every day. I keep telling myself that it's fine because the drinks I purchased got their energy from natural caffeine and vitamins, not weird chemicals. Now here I am and even though I drank one of my natural energy drinks a few hours ago I find myself in a gas station parking lot having purchased this Monster and I just don't give a rip. I will now blame it on my puppy. Have you ever had a couple month old puppy, they are a handful and wake up at the crack of dawn. My rise and shine time has been moved up a few hours and I'm still going to bed at the same time. I'm tired all the time. Of course it's not because I'm addicted to caffeine now (at least I hope). I'm just going to sit back and sip this can of deliciousness on this hot spring day.

I love these Rehab Monsters. Tea is one of my favorite beverages and mixing it with an energy drink, which I also apparently love now, is great. This has a combo of white and black tea in it, not too shabby. It also has a bunch of different fruit juices in it and that is where things get weird. This is supposed to be dragonfruit (or pitaya) flavored tea, but somewhere along the line the wires got crossed and it just tastes like lychee, which is somehow wonderful. I like dragon fruit, but the weird perfumey floral taste of this only makes me think of lychee. I'm guessing it has something to do with the white grape and dragon fruit comingling. I just hope other people enjoy this as much as I do so that it sticks around. Actually maybe it would be better for me if it bombs and this shows up at Big Lots for mere cents. I would instantly buy them all and then hit up the rest of the stores in an hour radius around me. Sorry Monster, but I have a new found addiction to feed and I might as well do it with your wonderful new flavor.

First let's look at the pros:
This is a non-carbonated energy drink. While it's not entirely novel, but it's a nice option regardless. On top of that it is also an iced tea energy drink. Something about that makes it seem more natural, even though there are unnatural things afoot. The sugar content is on the lower side for these types of drinks, which is always appreciated. The final plus is that it doesn't taste like a typical energy drink. The weird chemical candy taste is not present at all. When companies can achieve that, they get my attention.

Now on to the cons:
This smells like a cheap lemon flavored iced tea, and the taste is right there as well. This tastes like it should be a close relative to Brisk. While that may be a very good thing for some people, I personally am not a fan of that fake tea taste. In fact, this doesn't taste like a “half and half” at all. There is no classic lemonade flavor in this can, it's just an overly lemon iced tea. Again, perhaps that's good for some, but I'm not on board. The final con is that along with the glucose this also has sucralose in it. That is the reason for the lower levels of sugar, but it also takes the flavor down a notch as you get hints of diet occasionally.

There it is. Take these lists and decide for yourself if this is the kind of thing you want to put in your body or not. I personally did not make it through the entire can.

For some reason when Monster adds juice to their energy drinks they give them some sort of destructive name. Their tangerine/pineapple one is called Khaos and this one, which is more tropical, is called M-80. I don't know what juice has to do with causing trouble, but Monster has embraced it. Apparently their marketing department thinks that kids go to the grocery store, chug a few gallons of juice and then go out and blow up frogs and mailboxes. I'm all for blowing stuff up (well not frogs), but I don't need juice to do it. Any beverage will do. I mean, you have to stay hydrated.

Now Khaos is one of my favorite energy drinks. It tastes more like juice than anything else, but something went wrong when they were developing M-80. It has apple, passion fruit, pineapple and guava juice in it. It should be a home run. I was fully expecting it to be the best energy drink I've ever tasted, but as I said something got mixed up. It has more of a general Monster flavor with a bit a generic tropical mixed in than it does any of the individual fruit juices that are combined to make it. None of the individual juices are distinguishable. The more I drank, the less I liked it. I would have preferred an original Monster with it's generic energy drink flavor over this. You can't win them all.

I wonder why this company didn't try and get some Spider Man 3 sponsorship when that movie was coming out. It would have been perfect and tons of comic nerds (like myself) would have bought it just for the bottle. It would have been a lot better than the Spencer Gifts all over print looking snake eye they have on the bottle.

It's a pretty tasty energy drink. Nothing I'd run out and get again, but it tastes like sugary purple drink. It definitely tastes better than it looks.

UGH! That is what I exclaimed when I first took a sip of this. I have enjoyed all the other Monster Rehab drinks, but this is borderline undrinkable. It tastes like someone was potting a plant next to it and accidentally got some of the soil inside. They tried to filter all the soil out, but the taste was still there and they just hoped no one would notice.

Well I noticed and it sucks. I hate wasting drinks but I can't even take a third sip.

If this drink were a person, it would be Arnold Schwarzenegger circa 1970 while he was giving it his all to become Mr. Olympia. Every sip is beating the living crap out of me. You all know that I've been around like a lot lizard at a trucker's parking lot convention when it comes to drinks. This one is downright violent. Every baby sip tastes like I'm drinking a thick, syrupy monster that is just so concentrated that mentally, my brain is telling my I made a mistake by not mixing it with water. Like if you put a packet of Kool-Aid into a shot of water. That's how I feel.

This is a strong drink. You know how big Arnold is. You know how big Lou Ferrigno is. These are the people that I'm comparing to this drink. It's an energy drink. It tastes like an energy drink. It's like a double shot of liquefied candy. It's G.D. brutal. Mind meltingly intense. I can say, without a doubt, this will give you energy. I can say, without a doubt, this will give you "bad" energy. I say, without a doubt, that you will make the same "Ooohhh" face with every sip that I did.

The lemonade + iced tea Monster Rehab has been my favorite energy drink ever since Jay wrote this review. While I tour I came across three new Monster Rehab flavors. I was so excited that I almost forgot to pay for them.

Even though green tea isn't my favorite tea, I decided to try this one first. To my surprise, it doesn't have a strong green tea taste. It's slight, but not prominent. Much like the original Rehab, this is not carbonated and tastes delicious. I'm still partial to the half and half flavor, but this is still worlds better than most energy drinks on the market.

It feels nice to consume an energy drink for a change that doesn't feel like it's killing you. I know a lot of people who think Rumba is the best energy drink on the market. I can understand why; it's 100% juice, it delicious, and it's much better for you than other energy drinks.

But what about the Samba flavor? It also is 100% juice but I got a mouthful of a flavor I don't really like when I sipped it: cranberry juice. I've been trying for over 20 years to like cranberries, but I still can't do it. They are one of my most hated fruits. If you love cranberries then you'll love this. You might even want to marry it. Although, if you're like me, and cranberry anything makes you gag, stay away from this fun looking can.

Are you sick and tired of worrying about the impending zombie apocalypse? Does it keep you up at night thinking about the day when you and your family will be attacked and the walking dead will rip the flesh from your bones in order to get to your sweet, sweet brain nectar? Harcos Laboratories has a new product to put your mind at ease.

After years of research, and movie watching, it was scientifically proven that zombie's do not attack their own kind. With this knowledge Harcos employees worked long and hard in the lab to come up with a syrup derived from actual zombie blood that will cause the imbiber to give off certain pheromones that will trick the living dead into thinking you have already been turned. In layman's terms your brains will smell like butt-soup to them instead of sizzling prime rib.

It's lucky for us that zombie blood in its natural state tastes like melted green freezie pops. The difference is that downing this I.V. pouch won't make you cough like the dickens. Unlike the mind, it's not a terrible thing to taste. It is also has added ingredients to give you extra energy to run to safety in case you are in the .01 percentile that are unaffected by the blood of reanimated corpses.


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We originally reviewed this for a Halloween drink article we did for Auxiliary Magazine. To read the full article and to check out the awesome magazine go to http://auxiliarymagazine.com.

I didn't even have to open this to determine what it would taste like. The can is obviously trying to replicate Monster energy drinks so I was guessing that the insides were as well. I assumed correctly because this tastes just like the low carb Monster: melted candy with a diet energy drink aftertaste. Not bad per se, but not groundbreaking. This should try and find its own energy identity and stop trying to emulate one of the best out there.

You don't need to tell me. You are sick of those girls driving around in the Mini Cooper, slinging Red Bull at everyone all of the day. It's like the world's most awesome job that you can't do and you are mad. You get free Red Bull and you get to get to drive an awesomely fun car all day, going to parties and bars and living the life, man. The only downfall is that you have to dress kind of awkwardly and backpacks filled with the stuff and your otherwise awesome car is modified to look like a traveling can. Still, you have been drinking the stuff for years and you are just sick to death of seeing those bulls running into each other. You know someone is going to lose an eye in the mix. You need a change and friends I've got it.

This drink tastes like diet Red Bull and is in a different can. Now, you can enjoy the drink that you've loved but with a style change. It's got that "thousand Smarties" taste and has a diet aftertaste on big, championship chugs. If you sip it, it's standard energy drink taste. Chugs, you can tell it's got some "diet" thing going on.

This drink is an anomaly. First off, it's a non-carbonated energy drink. This used to be a rarity, but they are becoming more and more popular lately. Secondly, it's made up of 100% juice. Could it be an energy drink that's actually good for you? Who would have ever thought that would be real? Third, the color on the logo is purple, so you assume this would be a grape drink, or at least purple in color right? Nope, it's bright green.

You know in the movie Role Models where they are peeing in the school bathroom after drinking all those Minotaur Energy Drinks? To quote Paul Rudd, “It looks like Shrek's piss”. That is EXACTLY what color this drink is. Not necessarily a bad thing, just weird.

Just like the original flavor of Rumba, this is a really good tasting drink. It mostly tastes like juice (a mix of apple in grape in my opinion), with a hint of energy drink taste. I think most people would think this is just juice if they were given a blind taste test. Good stuff!

What is it with energy drinks tasting like melted sugary candy? Red Bull tastes exactly like liquid Smarties. I challenge you to debate that. And this one? This tastes like liquid Sweet Tarts. I can just picture the energy drink scientists at Monster with their white lab coats developing the next delicious energy drink. Runts? Nah, not many people like the bananas. Nerds? Way too many flavors, it would be a cornucopia of flavors and confuse people's taste buds. How about Sweet Tarts? Hmmm, tangy, sweet, and delicious! It's a winner!

Well, maybe not a winner overall. It's good, but not great. There are much worse diet energy drinks out there. This tastes more sweet than acidic for a diet drink, which is very nice. But at the end of the day, I'd rather have a non-diet energy drink.

It's a Wednesday night and you just got home from a long day of work. Not only was it a 10-hour day in the office, but you also had 3 meetings that went way too long. Plus, you had your bosses breathing down your neck all day because you didn't file your TPS reports yesterday. After you take off your shoes and drop your bag on the chair you make your way to the kitchen. Just as you open the refrigerator, you remember that you were planning on going grocery shopping today after work but you totally forgot due to your stressful day. As you look at your fridge, all you see is Frank's hot sauce, 4 different kinds of Dijon mustard, and a carton of lemonade.

Just as you are about to give up on the prospect of eating for the night, you notice a leftover box peeking out from behind the lemonade. It's the Pad Thai you had 4 days ago but couldn't finish. Normally, your limit for leftovers is two days. Three max. Memories of the 5-day-old spaghetti you ate in the spring of 2007 still haunt you. You're really hungry though, so you decide to take the risk and eat the Pad Thai. Luckily, it's better than you expected it to be. Obviously it isn't as good as when you first had it three days ago, but you were expecting the worst and it by far exceeded you expectations.

This energy drink is much like that Pad Thai. I bought it at Big Lots, the land where drinks that no one wants anymore go. I've had some really vile energy drinks from there before. I consciously didn't look at the can of this before taking my first sip. To my surprise, it was actually decent. Then I noticed that the second ingredient (after carbonated water) was a medley of juices. In fact, this is 50% juice, which is where the name "Five-O" comes from. They had the people from Monster develop this drink, and it really shows. Monster really knows how to make a delicious energy drink.

Given all that, this is still a mediocre energy drink. It doesn't have a lot of battery acid taste, but there's a little there. I was honestly thinking this was going to be a bottom of the barrel drink, but it exceeded my expectations.

Last night I kept having a dream where I was with John Lithgow and I had to stop him from dying. Sometimes it was accidental and sometimes he was trying to kill himself, but over and over I had to intervene. Then I looked down and noticed a 3" in diameter hole in the ditch of my arm. My arm was hollow and all dried out on the inside. Thinking about it now makes me want to vomit all over the place. Needless to say I slept like garbage.

Now it's later in the day and I'm going to be up late watching some bands play, so I needed a little boost to help me through the night. I didn't want anything too intense so I grabbed this Rumba. I mean it says 100% juice, so it can't be full of too much garbage. In reality taurine, caffeine, ginseng and a whole mess of other stuff in it, but I can pretend it's all-natural.

First off it's weird because it's not carbonated and it's always weird when energy drinks aren't. It tastes like a highly acid orange juice with a little tangerine and pineapple thrown into the mix. There's a slight energy drink taste, but it's mostly just fruit juice. I like it way more than I like highly disturbing dreams. Oh yeah, while I was distracted Mr. Lithgow ended up offing himself. Services will be announced later in the week.

Dear people of Monster,
Talking about getting trashed and how you're suffering from cottonmouth doesn't make you look cool. It makes you look like an overgrown 15-year-old stoner wearing a stained old poncho. If I had read that description on the can before I bought it I would have put it right back in the cooler. Lucky for you and I all I saw was "tea + lemonade."

Even though I think your marketing is idiotic I will overlook it because this happens to be one of the best energy drinks I've ever had. It's not carbonated, which is rare in the energy drink game. Most importantly it tastes like a more than decent Arnold Palmer. I would drink this on the regular if it wouldn't keep me up. It also doesn't have a strong chemical taste (I know I constantly talk about the chemical taste of energy drinks, but most taste terrible, so when one doesn't it is headline news. Shockingly it's only 10 calories per serving, but it doesn't taste anything close to diet.

On the last night of our tour, we decided to drive overnight home from Philly. It was a 6.5-hour drive and I was the only one who could drive in the car. When we stopped to get gas, I grabbed my old standby energy drink: Monster Khaos.
I think this is one of, if not the best tasting energy drinks. I attribute this to the fact that it is 50% juice. The mostly tangerine and pineapple tasting juice overrides the chemical taste as best as it can. I mean if you have to drink one of these things, you might as well grab one that has something in it that isn't completely unhealthy. It also helps that if gives you all the pep you need for an overnight drive.