Litl' Squirt - 2 Reviews

Some kids like to eat fruit. Take Danny. Little Danny only eats fruit and it's becoming a problem. He, like most kids, hates vegetables but unlike other kids, he also hates candy. He just never got it. He loved fruit, though. He would come home from school and if there was a fruit he could reach, he would eat it. This made his mother both very concerned and very angry. She was concerned because what mother wouldn't be if her son was not eating vegetables. She was angry because fruit doesn't come cheap and as Danny got taller, she would come home to less and less fruit because he could reach higher shelves and eat everything.

One day, Danny's mom put her foot down and limited him to a certain amount of fruit per day and in exchange, she bought him Litl' Squirts fruit juice. She told him that there was no funny business in it and that it was just fruits and water. He agreed to these new terms and took a bottle with him to his room.

He took a sip and loved it. It was naturally sweetened with fruit and it was actually a good tasting drink. He could taste the blueberries as well as the apple. It was like there was a mixologist somewhere that felt the way he did about fruit and made a drink specifically for him.

His mother noticed that there was more and more fruit around the house and talked to Danny about it. Danny said that although he cut down on eating fruit, he increased his liquid fruit intake. Confused, his mom opened up the cupboard and noticed that there was only two bottles left of the case that she had bought. She was raising a monster, an inconsiderate fruit monster.

Oh kids. You've got so many more selections than when I was a kid. I want you to read that like I was the oldest man alive because that's how I meant it to be read. The written word just doesn't have the same flair as, say, an audio recording. Oh, you know, kids. Records. Remember records? Remember crank windows? You dumb kids and your dumb buttons. Try endlessly turning a knob for a little bit, why don't'cha? Lazy brats. Oh, right. Reviews. Right.

I don't spend a lot of time around raspberries but I've been around an apple a couple times and I've got to say, this is a very accurate portrayal of that dynamic duo. You've got some super sweetness from the apple and some nice berryness (not a real word) from the raspberries. Not too bad, Litl' Squirts. All without adding any extra sugar in there, too. You, sirs and madams, have made a good juice.

Speaking of little squirts, you! Hey, you! Do something constructive with your life. Yeah, I'm sure leveling up in World Of Warcraft took a long time but it's not making you a better person. Go get dirty. Get hurt. Get a job. Stop talking on the phone. Drink some healthy juices. Get strong. Be nice to old people. Get me something to drink. Hold the door for people. Be polite. Golden rule. You kids are the worst, nowadays. The worst.