Monster - 41 Reviews

For some reason when Monster adds juice to their energy drinks they give them some sort of destructive name. Their tangerine/pineapple one is called Khaos and this one, which is more tropical, is called M-80. I don't know what juice has to do with causing trouble, but Monster has embraced it. Apparently their marketing department thinks that kids go to the grocery store, chug a few gallons of juice and then go out and blow up frogs and mailboxes. I'm all for blowing stuff up (well not frogs), but I don't need juice to do it. Any beverage will do. I mean, you have to stay hydrated.

Now Khaos is one of my favorite energy drinks. It tastes more like juice than anything else, but something went wrong when they were developing M-80. It has apple, passion fruit, pineapple and guava juice in it. It should be a home run. I was fully expecting it to be the best energy drink I've ever tasted, but as I said something got mixed up. It has more of a general Monster flavor with a bit a generic tropical mixed in than it does any of the individual fruit juices that are combined to make it. None of the individual juices are distinguishable. The more I drank, the less I liked it. I would have preferred an original Monster with it's generic energy drink flavor over this. You can't win them all.

We are a website about honesty. We tell it how it is all the time and for this installment of the "Truth Doctors" I will tell you that I expected this drink to suck big time. I am a sexy man enough man to admit that it did not suck. It was a little boring but it didn't pass the threshold of "suck." It was a bit dull, like if you had an average coffee and masked it with some sugar and whatever the heck nitrogenated coffee is. I assume due to my (zero) years as a scientist it is coffee with nitrogen injected into it but what do I know, I'm just a (self proclaimed) scientist? It's not as good as standard espresso and milk and sugar drinks but I never expected it to be. It lies on the spectrum higher than I thought it was going to be with a little bit of sweetness and no gross energy drink taste. Also, it shows a fake cross section of the drink and it labels the top two inches of the can as the "foam zone" which I, for some reason, find very amusing.

UGH! That is what I exclaimed when I first took a sip of this. I have enjoyed all the other Monster Rehab drinks, but this is borderline undrinkable. It tastes like someone was potting a plant next to it and accidentally got some of the soil inside. They tried to filter all the soil out, but the taste was still there and they just hoped no one would notice.

Well I noticed and it sucks. I hate wasting drinks but I can't even take a third sip.

First impression: this can looks like a "fancy" designer t-shirt you would find at a flea market for $9.99. Also, (much like the Monster Cuba-Lima) this can is textured, adding to the weird image I have of a 11 year old wannabe gangsta from the suburbs exclaiming "Whoa, that can matches my shirt!" which his mom bought him in the boys section of JC Penny. The name of this drink also seems like something said kid (let's call him Chad) would have made up 2 years prior as he was watching Power Rangers Ninja Storm.

Of course Chad will deny he made up his own Power Ranger named Zero Ultra when he's drinking this, even if he secretly still has the cover he drew of Zero Ultra Comics #1 in his closet. Six months from now he will also stop wearing this weird patterned shirt that matches this because his "cooler" friend will say it isn't cool anymore. But at least Chad had a moment where he was a trendsetter and Monster was behind on the times for once.

It's a shame the can and name of this drink are so bad because the drink is actually really good. It tastes like a Squirt snow cone. It's smooth and refreshing, and isn't as sweet as most energy drinks. My advice to Monster: keep making the textured cans, but design the cans better.

Wait, so you're telling me that star of Boyz in the Hood, Cuba Gooding Jr, has his own special edition flavor of Monster energy drink? Can you drive stick? Oh no, you can only drive shifter cars like the Cadillac Eldorado? Oh, this drink really has nothing to do with Mr Gooding…€¦Jr? In reality it's a play on a Cuban alcoholic beverage? Well, I can't say I care much about that. What I do care about is the son of Furious Styles and the sweet texture of this can. It's like an aluminum version of concrete. Oh, you want to know about the flavor of this and not my thoughts on a cinematic masterpiece? Well it tastes like regular Monster with some lime mixed in. It has a real lime flavor too, not that fake Freezie Pop flavor either. Now show me the Doughboy!

Last night I participated in the 4th annual Portland 24 Hour Zine Challenge. From 10am on Saturday to 10am today, a bunch of nerdy zine kids went to the Independent Publishing Resource Center and each made a 24-page zine within the 24 hours. I wrote mine about every house/apartment I have ever lived in (there has been many) and I finished with 5 hours to spare.

This wonderful drink definitely helped a lot. In recent times I have significantly cut back my energy drink intake in fear of making my heart explode. When I was getting snacks and drinks for the challenge, I was excited to find this because I had never seen this rehab flavor before. All the ones I've had thus far were delicious, and this was no different. It has a slight energy drink aftertaste, but for the most part it tastes like iced tea and Sunny D. Some might recoil at the sound of that, but I love the flavor of Sunny D. There's real orange juice in it so maybe it was just in my head.

So next time you need to make a zine in 24 hours, this will definitely do the trick.

Today I turn 33. I really couldn't care less about my birthday. As Patton Oswalt so wisely pointed out there are only 20 birthdays that really count, and I have 7 more years until I get to celebrate again. So logic would show that today is a day like no other. Logic would be flawed today. Sure my birthday doesn't matter, but more important than that, and just about anything else, is that the new Batman movie comes out tonight. Any celebrations that I may have, or any gifts I receive are not because of my birthday, they are because of Batman Day aka the best holiday of all.

Since my birthday doesn't matter, I worked today. I woke up and printed a buttload of shirts in my shop, which gets way to hot this time of year. It really is exhausting and since I am going to see The Dark Knight Rises at midnight (and I'm sure it will be three hours long) I decided to give this Monster Java a try. I like it. It tastes like any other prepackaged chocolate-coffee drink. I always thought that taurine was what gave energy drinks that weird chemical taste, but there is just as much in this can as there is in other energy drinks, and this just tastes like over-sweetened coffee with chocolate mixed in. I am grateful for that. If it had that energy drink taste this would be puke sauce in a can. If you are someone who likes your coffee black, you probably think this is far too sweet. Actually, you probably would be the type of person that wouldn't bother with any sort of fancy coffee at all. This is very sweet. It's actually sweeter than even I, who doesn't really like coffee much, would want it to be. I do enjoy it though, and I'm sure it will help to keep me up and alert to watch the “breaking of the bat.” Seriously, you have no idea how pumped I am to see Bane wreak havoc on Gotham. It's going to be so sweet!

If this drink were a person, it would be Arnold Schwarzenegger circa 1970 while he was giving it his all to become Mr. Olympia. Every sip is beating the living crap out of me. You all know that I've been around like a lot lizard at a trucker's parking lot convention when it comes to drinks. This one is downright violent. Every baby sip tastes like I'm drinking a thick, syrupy monster that is just so concentrated that mentally, my brain is telling my I made a mistake by not mixing it with water. Like if you put a packet of Kool-Aid into a shot of water. That's how I feel.

This is a strong drink. You know how big Arnold is. You know how big Lou Ferrigno is. These are the people that I'm comparing to this drink. It's an energy drink. It tastes like an energy drink. It's like a double shot of liquefied candy. It's G.D. brutal. Mind meltingly intense. I can say, without a doubt, this will give you energy. I can say, without a doubt, this will give you "bad" energy. I say, without a doubt, that you will make the same "Ooohhh" face with every sip that I did.

You're fading fast. You've had a long day at the office. You know, "the grind", and it's time you let loose. Take that tie off and put it around your head because nothing says "loose" like a tie on your head. Your boss rides you really hard but he's not here. You just relax; there aren't any co-workers in here. Go crazy. Stay out past ten. Drink some of that great looking grape punch. Gah! What happened to the punch?! Did someone spike the punch? What is this, a John Hughes film? Spiking the punch. Really? What did they spike it with? Did they spike it with an energy drink and some sort of liquor? What's happening?

Are you feeling alright? You're feeling energized? That's awesome. You've feeling like you've been alcoholized? Well that's not what you want. You wanted to have a good time and now look at you. You're in rougher shape than before you came to this non-work related party. You don't even drink and now you're a wreck. You've got to get to the bottom of this. "Who did this?" you ask, "Who dumped this stuff in the juice? My first glass was great and then subsequent glasses were less than great. Who's the wise guy?" Less than ten seconds later a kid said that he poured some Monster in there because he wanted to pump the party up. He was bored and now you're suffering the consequences. Thanks kid.

It's only fitting that I write this while listening to a classic metal band. I chose Iron Maiden's album "Piece of Mind" as the soundtrack for this behemoth of an energy drink. Sure it doesn't look that big in that picture, but check out what it looks like next to 12 and 16 oz cans: http://instagr.am/p/geEO7/.

I can easily say this is the biggest energy drink I've ever seen. Even the snapping sound it let off when I opened the can was a little intimating. Despite the similar appearance, this isn't just a repackaging of the original Monster flavor, which is good. It tastes similar to it, but is much lighter ironically. I would probably drink this every once in a while if it weren't for the can. The size of the can is very impractical to drink, unless you just want a workout. Or perhaps as a joke gift. I wonder how many of these will make an appearance at Maryland Deathfest this year.

The lemonade + iced tea Monster Rehab has been my favorite energy drink ever since Jay wrote this review. While I tour I came across three new Monster Rehab flavors. I was so excited that I almost forgot to pay for them.

Even though green tea isn't my favorite tea, I decided to try this one first. To my surprise, it doesn't have a strong green tea taste. It's slight, but not prominent. Much like the original Rehab, this is not carbonated and tastes delicious. I'm still partial to the half and half flavor, but this is still worlds better than most energy drinks on the market.

For some people, coffee is not enough. For some people, energy drinks are not enough. For the rest, you've got to combine caffeine with caffeine and hope for the best. I am no nutritionist, but I am a scientist and I would say that this could not be worse for you than anything else you could drink.

Ignoring all nutritional value, which in this case, if it weren't for the FDA demanding that legitimate numbers be printed on the back of all food, should just say "Bad." Oh sure, there is a ton of vitamin B in there, but who cares? I think my mom takes a B12 for memory. Her memory is fine, but she takes it. I think it's a girl thing, like how all girls have anemia, but probably don't, they just all think that they should because their mom's told them to take it.

One thing your mom or dad is not going to turn you on to is this. It's not bad, but if your parents care about you, they won't let you have this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're an adult and you can make your own decisions. You're such a rebel. Look, you're not sixteen anymore. Make up with your parents and see what they've been up to. No one cares that you don't get along with your daddy and it's unfortunate. Bury the hatchet about that thing that happened at Thanksgiving twelve years ago and get a steak with your friggin' dad.

It doesn't taste like an energy drink, but it also doesn't taste like coffee. It kind of tastes like a liquidy coffee iced cream. Perhaps with some diet action to it. Your mom wouldn't like it. Your daddy wouldn't like it. Your boss might like it, but your boss is always a bit juiced up.

A lot going on. But there always is, isn't there -- a lot going on?

A classic line from the classic...er movie "Made" with Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau. That line defines this drink to a T. Tee? Tea? Who cares, am I right?

In one corner of the royal rumble, you've got the Monster name. With that, you expect that "trillion Smarties" taste. You don't get it in this drink, but you expect it.

In another corner, you've got a coffee taste. It's not too bad. It's definitely more than a basic, poor person coffee taste. It's compressed, like Monster has hired ex-baristas and are just having them compress coffee in an underground shack for this drink.

In the third corner of the world's strangest wrastlin' ring, the sweetness. It's regular first, and then it gets a little diet-y. There is sucralose in there, but it is tolerable. It's pretty masked by a lot of the other flavors that are going on, hitting each other in the heads with folding chairs from your aunt's dumb basement party. Why does she have parties and gatherings in the basement when she has a perfectly clean and functioning upstairs?

In the fourth and final corner, there is milk. Milk is kind of like the ref in this game. While the drama is going on with the other wrestlers, the ref literally smoothes everything out. He's a nice guy. He smoothes everything out in the ring and before that, he refs his kid's T-Ball game.

I didn't hate this as much as I thought that I would. That says a lot.

The packaging makes this drink look like it's going to be ice cold. Like when mints have that weird coldness to it. I didn't expect it to be minty, but I hoped it would have the same freezing effect. It ended up just tasting like a regular diet energy drink. When Dan first opened it and took a sip he said it was pretty gross. I expected the worst, but it tasted fairly average to me. Underneath all of that chemical energy it took a second for my taste buds to register that it was even diet.

In the end this is one of the best diet energy drinks that I've tried. With no sugar or calories it's also probably one of the "healthiest" I've ever had as well. To be fair neither of those are really that crazy of achievements.

I never understood why people think camo is "cool". In high school, so many people wore camo pants but I never understood it. They just looked like more generic Zubaz pants. Camo was invented to stay hidden. Urban camo pants aren't going to help you sneak out of your 3rd period science class. I also always associate camo with hunting and military, both of which I don't like.

The camo on this can is a modern "digital" camo. I'm sure there's a real name for it, but I'm calling it "digital camo" because it looks like an 8 bit video game. If I worked for Monster's art department, I would have hidden a couple classic NES characters in the design. If Nintendo tried to sue them, they could just point out that there's one pixel different.

Oh yeah, the drink. It's red, and it tastes like cherries. Pretty original huh? Like most Monster drinks, it's really tart which I like. It still has that energy drink after taste. On top of that, I'm drinking this on an empty stomach so it doesn't feel awesome. I didn't intend to drink it before I ate, my vegan potpie is just taking way too long to bake and I was thirsty. Lesson learned: thaw vegan pot pies beforehand so they cook faster.

What is it with energy drinks tasting like melted sugary candy? Red Bull tastes exactly like liquid Smarties. I challenge you to debate that. And this one? This tastes like liquid Sweet Tarts. I can just picture the energy drink scientists at Monster with their white lab coats developing the next delicious energy drink. Runts? Nah, not many people like the bananas. Nerds? Way too many flavors, it would be a cornucopia of flavors and confuse people's taste buds. How about Sweet Tarts? Hmmm, tangy, sweet, and delicious! It's a winner!

Well, maybe not a winner overall. It's good, but not great. There are much worse diet energy drinks out there. This tastes more sweet than acidic for a diet drink, which is very nice. But at the end of the day, I'd rather have a non-diet energy drink.

I love energy drinks. I used to try them all out of curiosity long before this site was around. What's great about them is they really work! I stayed up all night hanging out with my friend Biff until 6am, and I had to wake up at 11 to meet some friends for lunch. So I'm dead tired right now.

The unfortunate thing about energy drinks is most of them are gross. Some that I've tasted over the years puzzle me how bad they are. Monster usually is good so I decided to give this flavor a try. I had a feeling this was going to be Orange flavored due to the can color, and I was right. More so, it has a great orange flavor. It tastes more like Orange soda than an energy drink. This is easily one of the best I've ever had. I'm already energized!

I can safely say I am an energy drink connoisseur. I do my best work late at night so naturally I am a night owl. I have easily tried 50 different energy drinks over the past 10 years and I always seem to come back to the original Monster flavor. It has a strong citrus flavor. It also sometimes reminds me of sour apple. Like most energy drinks, it has that usual energy drink battery acid chemical taste. I feel like it isn't as bad with this kind though, but it may be because I got used to it.

Dear people of Monster,
Talking about getting trashed and how you're suffering from cottonmouth doesn't make you look cool. It makes you look like an overgrown 15-year-old stoner wearing a stained old poncho. If I had read that description on the can before I bought it I would have put it right back in the cooler. Lucky for you and I all I saw was "tea + lemonade."

Even though I think your marketing is idiotic I will overlook it because this happens to be one of the best energy drinks I've ever had. It's not carbonated, which is rare in the energy drink game. Most importantly it tastes like a more than decent Arnold Palmer. I would drink this on the regular if it wouldn't keep me up. It also doesn't have a strong chemical taste (I know I constantly talk about the chemical taste of energy drinks, but most taste terrible, so when one doesn't it is headline news. Shockingly it's only 10 calories per serving, but it doesn't taste anything close to diet.

On the last night of our tour, we decided to drive overnight home from Philly. It was a 6.5-hour drive and I was the only one who could drive in the car. When we stopped to get gas, I grabbed my old standby energy drink: Monster Khaos.
I think this is one of, if not the best tasting energy drinks. I attribute this to the fact that it is 50% juice. The mostly tangerine and pineapple tasting juice overrides the chemical taste as best as it can. I mean if you have to drink one of these things, you might as well grab one that has something in it that isn't completely unhealthy. It also helps that if gives you all the pep you need for an overnight drive.