Nu South - 4 Reviews

I've been around for thirty years and I still don't remember when it gets warm. We in Western New York get spoiled once in January with a fifty-degree day and a little bit in May with near tropical temperatures then it drops back down. To psych myself out and make my dumb body feel like it's summertime, I cracked this bottle of vintage open. Vintage because it's been over a year since I've had this on me and have been, well, dreading drinking it. It gets a little more credit than I've given it though because it's not too bad. It's not too bad for a melted Popsicle, if I were twelve. I'm thirty. This takes me back to a lot of fun times as a kid and just being dumb. If you want to get dumb again, drink some of this with some friends you went to junior high with and play some street hockey, listen to Michael Jackson "Dangerous," and live it up. When this drink is done, you have to get in your sedan and get back to your desk job. The last fifteen years have sucked in hindsight, right?

Do you think that Nu South was inspired by Nu Metal? I certainly hope so. Look, joke about nu metal all you want but seriously, some of those southern dudes can shred. Finger blistering solos, just destroying the neck. Calluses that could hold hot irons for an extended period of time. I wonder if the dudes from Slipknot, even though they are not from the South but are nu metal, blow the crowd away with an awesome set and then go backstage, sit on a couch together, all eight or nine of them, it's a sectional with a couple additional sections. What? It's in their rider. Anyhow, they sit down and the stagehand hands them a case of of Nu South?

On a hot summer day in the South, a cool glass of this would probably be pretty good. A lukewarm bottle on a nineteen-degree day after doing nothing in the North East doesn't do this drink justice. It's got that strange "is it carbonated or is some garbage ingredients just tickling my throat?" Slipknot doesn't care. They are all sweating from thrashing and wearing masks and jump suits in the hot, Southern sun. They just want to chug lemonade, I'm sure. It's not terrible lemonade. It's got the makings of something great and tastes good except for the questionable, sharp taste.

Look, Slipknot is good. Kids love them. I like them a lot. Honestly, their first LP was great, Iowa, not their best, but Volume 3 is incredible. Like them or don't like them. They are good. Just deal with it. Slipknot members zero through eight, any time you guys want to do a guest review, you know where to find us. Keep up the good work.

What was wrong with the old South? I mean, racism aside, it's been a pretty good place, right? Well, excluding all those floods, tornadoes, hurricanes, and all that stuff, too. You know what else is "wrong" with the south? This drink. It's bad. It's downright gross. It's super fake-tangy. It might at one time have been a legit company, but tasting this drink makes me want to write them off completely. Nothing in this bottle tastes sincere, like dating a girl with a killer body only to find out that tissue paper and Spandex made it that way. All that hard work was for nothing. Surprises. I don't know why, but I didn't like the looks of this drink the minute I laid my eyes on it. It does smell like lemonade but that sting that I get when I drink it...where does that come from? It's not a sour sting. It's a chemical sting. Like that sting you get from Brisk iced tea. What is that and where does it come from?

The South. Get your acts together. I'm sorry about your tragedies, but this is inexcusable.

I have never known a blueberry to be florescent blue, and I've known quite a few in my day. Most notably, I've known Blueberry Johnson. He was a wonderful gentleman who had an idea for a television show for kids called "Blueberry Muffins in the Morning with Blueberry Johnson." It was a great idea, but the executives just couldn't figure out a way for him to host the show, even though he literally looked exactly like a human blueberry. Tragically he ended his life when the show didn't work out for him. It was completely horrible. The important thing is that he was not neon blue, nor was his bodily fluids.

I don't know why there are so many beverages out there that look like windshield washer fluid when the fruits they are meant to taste like are a dark blue. Truth be told, this doesn't taste like blueberries at all. It's lemonade that has been over saturated with sweetener and a little bit of "fruity" flavor. There is no bitterness left at all in this bottle. It's a liquid candy. It has its place in the drink world. I do enjoy the way it tastes, but it's just not what I'm looking for in lemonade.