Royal Mills - 3 Reviews

Basketball star Wayne Cruddish could not manage to get a sponsor. No one was knocking down his door trying to get him to endorse their products. No one wanted a custom Cruddish shoe. No one bought his jersey. No one was interested in a Cruddish cereal. It's not that he was a bad player. He was actually quite good. He scored a lot of baskets and his coach and teammates loved having him on the team. He wasn't bad looking and always gave to charity and shared his wealth with his community. Everyone liked him but no one wanted his face on anything for some reason. That was until he heard a knock at the door.

He walked to the door and a man with dark glasses said, "King Mills" would like to see you, sir." and Wayne obliged. Just then, a limo pulled up, a red carpet rolled out up to the front door and a short man barely if at all five feet tall hopped out of the car. He looked at Wayne, nodded his head to the man at the door and the man gave Wayne a document. Wayne asked what it was and the man said that the king had chosen him to endorse their iced coffee from Hawaii. Wayne said he had never heard of the drink and the man with the glasses went back to the car, got a can, and brought it to him to drink. Wayne took a nice, big drink and thought for a moment. Wayne told the king that he liked the drink and would be happy to endorse it. He liked that it was smooth, had a rich coffee taste and wasn't too sweet. He appreciated the fact that it was made with real sugar and that the coffee was Hawaiian. He said that he could tell there was a little diet in there but that sucrose was better than aspartame so he shook the king's little hand, signed the document and made the deal.

The man with the glasses went back to limo, opened the trunk, and got two cases of the iced coffee and handed them to Wayne along with a check for $87. He said that he will receive check like that every month as well as a case each month that he endorses the product. Wayne thanked him and closed the door. He was not an endorser of products that he always wanted.

Mocha: the adult version of chocolate milk. This is a pretty inarguable fact if you ask me, which you won't. What? I'm just being honest. Also, what's to ask? Mocha is coffee, sure, but it's also chocolate, which super negates the adulthood of coffee. Sure, adults eat chocolate and there is nothing childish about it but something about mixing the two together makes it some sort of "kid in a grown up's body." This is the equivalent of the late, great Mitch Hedberg's joke, "Fettuccine Alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults."

This is good, though. It's good at sharing between the coffee and chocolate and the sweetness is a good, short-lived thing. You don't really get a lot of these canned coffee drinks that are too bad but this is one of the better mocha ones I've had. Still is a bit different than the ones you would get at a coffee shop but it's probably the milk that is used there is "real" versus the milk that is in here which somehow defies science and all refrigeration standards. This goes back and forth between coffee to chocolate to coffee again and that's a nice trip.

For the youth (silent "H") in you, have a mocha. If you want to stop being so stuffy with your ties and tie clips and cufflinks and slacks, have a mocha. Mocha, for those who aren't ready to grow up. Mocha, to prove that you're still "Cool." Mocha, a drink for those who still really like video games but have trouble waking up in the morning. Mocha, for those you who think that as an adult you have to go to coffee shops but don't like coffee. Mocha, for everyone.

I am not a big fan of coffee. On occasions I like really sweet iced coffee drinks. Due to that my lady friend made me try this. I was shocked at how much I liked it. It's super, super sweet, and the coffee flavor isn't too strong. It reminds me of coffee ice cream. If you're a coffee fiend, this may not be strong enough for you, but it's good for me.