Thirsty Buddha - 3 Reviews

It's been so very hot and so very humid in the world. Working in my shop it's probably at least 10-15 degrees hotter than it is outside. There is only so much water a human can drink when it seems to instantly sweat out of one's skin. Sure, I switch it up with unsweetened tea and seltzer, but neither tends to be very hydrating. This though, this was just the treat I needed. At just 11oz it refreshed and hydrated me more than a jug of water three times that size could have and it did it with style. This is more delicious than I ever could have imagined it being. This is a sparkling pina colada done in a way that I would consider right. Everything is in a perfect balance with the fruit juice making it slightly sweet. It tastes like fruit and coconuts (which some consider a fruit) and not just a syrupy overly sweet mess. I can't express enough just how hydrating this was and being sparkling gave it a little pizazz to spice up my day. This is going to be a regular for me this summer I can tell you that already.

The Buddha meditates under trees for long periods of time. He always starts the morning in the shade, but as the sun rises the sun ends up blaring on him and it gets hot, very hot. Let's face it he's also a big guy, so he sweats a lot. The Buddha knows it's important to keep hydrated, so he always keeps a cooler of coconut water with him, so he doesn't dry out and shrivel up.

He prefers to drink straight up coconut water with nothing added to it, but sometimes when he's not meditating into nothingness/everything he wants a little more and goes for some with a little mango juice in it. There's not a whole ton of juice added to it, but it's enough to give it a little flavor. The problem is the company he's sponsored by also adds some sugar to it. The Buddha knows it's unnecessary, but they don't put too much in, so it's not like it's sugar water masquerading as coconut water. It's simply mildly sweetened, lightly flavored coconut water that is a little chalky, but that's what you get with all decent coconut waters. It refreshes him like only coconut water and enlightenment can.

The stories and teachings have it all wrong. The tree that Gautama sat under that led him to become the Buddha was not a Bodhi tree as it was taught. In fact, the fat man was sitting under a coconut tree when he reached enlightenment. It's a good thing too, since reaching enlightenment can be truly dehydrating. Lucky for him the most hydrating beverage in the world hung directly over his head. So there you go: from enlightened to shaking a tree and dodging the fruits that descended towards his head within a couple of moments.

Several thousand years have passed since the glorious event and a company called Thirsty Buddha has arisen for a grand celebration in liquid form. All that is contained in this can is 100% all natural coconut water. There are no added sweeteners or preservatives, simply because they are not needed. This is delicious and refreshing; everything the Buddha needed on the day of his enlightenment. There are a lot of companies out there nowadays selling their versions of this "holy" drink, but most of them add extraneous ingredients that take away from the purity of what they create. They made mistakes, Thirsty Buddha did not.

To further offend the followers of Buddhism I shall leave you with the following perversion of faith an pop culture. Imagine the chorus of Destiny's Child's hit single Bootylicious with the lyrics changed to, "I don't think you're ready for this belly, cause his body's too Buddhalicious for ya babe."