Tim Horton's - 23 Reviews

As the sun shines down on us on this beautiful Friday morning, it can only mean one thing: it is time to get some doughnuts, or as the laymen spell it "donuts," for work. While I was there, I couldn't help but get this drink. I got it once before but didn't review it. Hey, a man needs a break from reviewing everything he drinks.

This should be noted, so I'm noting it for you here. The first drink I got had "brownie" crumbles on it. I quoted brownie because Oreo cookie crumbs are not brownie. It's either that or just the crustiest brownie crushed into the smallest crumbs you've ever seen. You might expect a brownie chunk or something. Small. You're not greedy or stupid. What? Is Tim Horton going to put a quarter of a brownie into every drink? You're crazy if you think that. Crazy. Saying crumbs is even an understatement. Also, they put so much on that I opened my window and blew half of them off. Not because I didn't want them but because they were quickly filling up my lap and my car seat. I can't have that. That describes volume one of my brownie caramel excursion. Volume 2? Thick fudge syrup. I was fine with it. I have a mental image of brownie and syrup isn't it but I'm not Webster or Encyclopedia Britanica so I don't give a rip. Fudge. Who's arguing about it? No one.

Caramel? Yeah it's there, but I didn't know there was a shortage on the stuff. They squirt like a tiny line on the lid and call it a day. Look, I'm not ordering something prefaced with "Brownie Caramel" and looking for something healthy. You call this "supreme?" Load it up, son. You're not getting paid on caramel reserves.

There is a fair amount of pretty thick chocolate whipped cream and you can either munch it off the top or stir it in and creamify your drink. I do a half and half and get a big mouthful of whipped cream and smooth out my drink.

Once you get past the decor, it's the same iced cappuccino that you've grown to love. Like a mocha Icee. It's good and I don't expect them to change the base for every iteration of the drink.

This is good. It's probably terrible for you and anyone who gets something larger than a small is masochistic. Caramel, barely fudge, chocolate, coffee? How can that be alright for you. It's a treat. Get it when you're having a great day or a terrible day. Nothing in between.

I am not terribly susceptible to advertising. I find myself to be smarter than that. I don't know why, but I feel I'm wired a little bit differently. That being said, I was completely sold when I saw the billboard for this drink. I wish I had an image for it, but allow me to explain it to you. It was forty feet tall, had chocolate whipped cream, and chocolate shavings. The only thing wrong was that it was a latte. Now you know that I am not coffee's number one fan. I never sent a self addressed stamped envelope to the Coffee Fan Club like I wanted to for the White Zombie fan club in 1996.

I went to one of the near trillion Tim Horton's around me and bought a small, you know, to test it out. I then drove about twenty minutes to the grocery store and didn't touch the thing. In the parking lot, I took a couple sips. It was alright but a bit too coffee for me. That being said, I'm no dumb stupid idiot. It was decent coffee with a decent chocolate/mocha taste, a medium to dark chocolate. I was ready to give it a pretty mediocre review. I came back after an hour of grocery shopping and took another sip. Better. I got home, brought in some groceries, checked the status on the Trials Evolution release date which will never be public, and then went downstairs and we were finally where we wanted to be. The drink had dropped down in temperature to "room level" status. That's where it's at. I easily drank the rest of it with no problems.

Next time I get it, if I do get it, I will probably get it, put it in the fridge for an hour, and then drink it. I like iced coffee but this was too close to a regular coffee with chocolate in it at standard temperature. Canadians, I am sorry that I am ruining your perfectly good coffee, but I am an adult and can do whatever I want.

On the turn of a dime, it has become fall. Autumn to some, fall to others. I've been wearing a hoodie for a couple days and although I missed their deep hood, welcoming pockets, and going outside, throwing up my hood immediately, and feeling like a robber or rapist. Try it. I would never rape or never rob, but I just feel like if someone saw me throw my hood up, they would think I am up to no good.

Fall means cider. Apples in any form, really. On my way to visit my parents, I stopped by Tim Hortons and I wanted a mint chocolate, iced cappuccino, but was convinced to try a hot caramel apple cider. I got it because seriously, how can you go wrong? Apple cider and caramel and the added delicacy of whipped cream on top. Sweet. Half an hour later, I open up the cup and prepare my senses to enjoy pleasure to a parental advisory level. Then... Disappointment. To the fullest extent. It tasted like I was drinking a liquid candle. I am not exaggerating. If you went to Yankee Candle or equivalent, bought an apple cider candle, went out into the food court, lit it with a borrowed lighter because you just quit smoking, and drank the wax, you, my friend, have just drank a Tim Hortons hot apple cider with caramel.

I have easily half left and cannot stomach another sip.