Tradewinds - 7 Reviews

As my hand touched this can at the store, an associate who appeared out of nowhere told me that she loved it. Now I buy a lot of drinks and most times I can get in and out without someone's opinion. That's not to say that I don't want it. Why would I do this if I didn't want to hear what people think about drinks? Now I've got an opinion of a drink and, come on, fruit punch? It's all the same unless it's from an exception company. Tradewinds is on the top-end of average companies. Their sweet tea is pretty good but I haven't had any of their "Tropicals" line. Now I have and can tell you that this fruit punch blows.

As I said, most fruit punch is the same. This is not and not in a good way. Reading the ingredients, it's all natural stuff except for the sucralose which you can taste even though it's way down on the list of ingredients and isn't the primary sweetener. It tastes like you mixed a bad fruit punch in with some sort of cherry juice. If you want a diet, fruity, cherry drink, I've got some left over in this can that is split with someone else because I couldn't take any more of it. You can get it from me for a limited time since I will be tossing it, unfinished, into the bin. Like that? It's very British of me to call it a "bin." I'm classier than you can imagine. Too classy to drink this swill.

Mark and Jeff had been lost at sea for about a week. They had rented a nice little sailboat to go out and chill out in the tropics for a day, just enjoying the ocean. Things were going well, and then suddenly the winds kicked up and it was too much for our beginner sailors. If it wasn't enough for the wind to blow them off course, it decided to be a real jerk and also blow away their map. It really wouldn't do them any good anyways as each had assumed the other knew how to use a compass. The first few days they fought, but after that they kind of fell into a nice routine. Luckily they had fishing poles with them, so they would catch their food in the morning and then just lounge in the sun during the afternoon waiting for rescue.

It was during one of their afternoon sun bathing sessions that Jeff announced that he really had a hankering for a nice Arnold Palmer. Mark said he thought he say a box of tea under the deck. He had no idea why it was there, as there was no stove, but he never really questioned it. He just took some tea bags put them in a jar filled with water and let it sit in the sun for a few hours. Then he took the lemon that was inexplicably on the boat and squeezed it into his brew. The result was okay, but it was hardly an Arnold Palmer. It really tasted more like a lemon tea with more lemon than one would typically want. It didn't have the zing of lemonade. Jeff held back his complaints while he drank his mediocre beverage. He just sat back and sipped as the sun bronzing his skin.

What I would like to know his how our friends cooked their fish and where did all of this fresh water come from? I smell witchcraft!

Summer is upon us and a wave of new lemonades is rising to a crest. If there ever was a seasonal beverage then lemonade is it. I've never once even given a thought to drinking lemon water unless the temperate was over 80 degrees. The more the temperate rises the more my brain thinks about it. This weekend held the first ridiculously hot days of the year and being the idiot I am I was in NYC wearing jeans because I thought I wouldn't need shorts. I was sweating like crazy unloading gear from the van to bring it into Webster Hall and all I wanted was the perfect lemonade. A quick search of bodegas brought me to this little treat. The only thing that would have sounded more perfect to me at that moment in time would have been a blackberry lemonade, but I will happily take what I can get.
I was so hot and this was a great refresher, but there was a problem. This is great as a passionfruit drink, but it could use more lemonade flavor. I want more tartness. The whole reason to drink lemonade is the nice tart refreshment. This is more like a passionfruit juice with a splash of lemonade. It's quite enjoyable and it tastes great, but I feel off calling it lemonade.

I really wish I had been the one to review the “regular” sweet tea that Tradewinds makes. I would have liked to compare it to this to see just how much sweeter this is. I will say that this is the closest tasting prepackaged tea that I have ever had to authentic sweet tea that I've drunk on trips down south. It's just brewed black tea leaves and sugar, glorious, glorious sugar. There is no mistaking that real sugar taste in here. It tastes like someone filled up a pitcher with water, put in a mess of tea bags, and an even bigger mess of sugar and let it sit in the sun for a few hours to warm it up and let it brew. It makes me want to sit in a rocking chair on a front porch with an old dusty dog. I don't think there's a bigger compliment for sweet tea. Oh yeah if you drink one of these a day for a month I'm pretty sure your teeth will rot out of your head. Make sure you brush properly. I don't want to play any part in your poor dental hygiene.

Mole people are a crafty, busy bunch. Sure, they live in subways and don't shower and have many rats that they call family. That is their "con" column. Their "pro" column is filled with all sorts of resourceful, ingenious strategies that allow them to live how they do. Mole people are the ones that make this Tradewinds iced tea. You might think that it's impossible but in a land like ours, anything is possible. They all use their specialized skills and networking techniques to get the ingredients they need to meet the request of this tasty beverage.

Green Tea: Ever go into a Chinese food restaurant and find that they have free tea available? It's never bad, either. Why? Why would China skimp on one of their most prized exports? Green tea is simple enough to make and getting it direct from the source is the best way. The mole people create a sort of endless line of people to come into the restaurant, get a cup of tea, and bring it back to the "mixing headquarters." The people that work at the Chinese restaurant are not stupid and they see what's happening, but they know that their tea is being used for something great and they are fine with it.

Sugar: There are thousands of coffee shops in the metropolis that the mole people live in. Every day, much like the "Tea Getters", the "Sugar Getters" make multiple stops to get sugar packets from different coffee shops. They only get real sugar, too. They are instructed to only get real sugar or else they are off "project Tradewind." This job gives them a purpose and also puts food on the table so they oblige and only get real sugar.

Honey: This task is only for the most stealth and crafty as it involved stealing. The "Honeymen" go to stores and go into the condiment aisle where the honey is located. They look around to ensure that no one is watching and squeeze as much honey as they can into their pockets. Their pockets have been previously lined with plastic sandwich bags so as to eliminate any germs. They squeeze and if they are caught, they are instructed to run and drop a $5 bill. This way, even if they are caught, the sales associate that would have caught them sees the money and calls it even.

All of these ingredients are brought to the "Mixing Headquarters" where it is loaded into trucks and taken away by the people that manage "Project Tradewinds." They work their magic and that's how you find inexpensive, delicious tea on the shelves. It's a nice, natural tea taste with the smallest amount of bitterness and a great honey taste. Next time you see it, remember that the proceeds go to those less fortunate that help make your tea.

If I had to choose the number one achievement of the South I think I would have to choose sweet tea. Sure they gave us submarines, miniature golf and antibiotics, but do any of those really hold a candle to sweet tea? It's so refreshing and tasty.

Even though Tradewinds has a tropical ocean scene on their can they make a decent sweet tea. With every sip I feel like I'm sitting in a rocking chair on my front porch and kudzu is growing all over my property. I have an old yellow dog laying next to me, and a 12-gauge shotgun sitting across my lap. It's the southern dream, and this tea brought it all on. Of course people who are from the south whose grandmothers made sweet tea all the time will probably say it tastes all wrong. I wouldn't believe them. Tell them to invent something more important than beverages.

I wrote a long drawn out review for this, and then I hit the wrong button and lost it all. It was pure, complete annoyance. To be honest I don't even remember what I wrote and I don't want to write it all again. Here's the gist of it:

A) Tallboys are awesome. When you're younger it's rad to get so much beverage for so cheap. When you're older and don't want so much sugar, they are great for sharing.

B) I thought this was an iced tea until I opened it. I was wrong. I didn't even know Tradewinds made juice.

C) I drank this at work today. I work in a tiny room with a conveyor dryer that gets up to 400 degrees. I was dripping sweat and parched. This gave me instant refreshment.

D) Even thought this only has 5% juice in it, it tastes exactly like a blend of mango and apple juices. Normally a higher percentage of juice is what I look for, but it really tasted great, so I didn't mind.

E) You can almost feel the grittiness of the sugar in this. Normally that would be a turn off, but it really worked in this drink.

I hope I don't mess this up again.