Waist Watcher - 3 Reviews

Flo was a waitress who was always on her feet. From morning to night she worked in that diner serving chicken fried steak and steak fried chicken and delicious cinnamon pie. People would come from all around to get the best possible service from Flo. Problem is that Flo was a bit large. She was the nicest woman in the world, but easily clocked in at over three bills. Reason being is that for the last thirty-odd years she ate at the diner during lunch and dinner and the food there wasn't exactly healthy. Sure they had vegetables, but they had butter on them and came with a side of grits or mashed potatoes. Nothing diet-friendly would enter there. People knew that was why the food was so good. Home cooking at its finest.

When Flo stood on her scale at home before work it made her think that she had to do something or she wasn't ever going to get out of the rut she was in. She would work and have the cook make her a salad with vegetables with no butter and she drank a lot of water. The diner started carrying some Waist Watcher drinks there that she liked. The vanilla cream was her favorite. It tasted more like a vanilla candy rather than a cream soda because it was so sweet. It tasted like a diet pop but that's what Splenda will do to a drink.

Slowly but surely she started dropping pounds and the patrons started to take notice. Her tips started to increase because they knew how hard she was trying and in a couple years with hard work and a lot of diet pop, she got to a regiment that worked for her and lost all the weight that she gained over the past dozen or so years. She felt great thanks to unbuttered, unfried food, exercise, and Waist Watcher.

For the four months or so that this has been sitting in my cupboard I thought that it was a "Weight Watchers" product. They have their own diet product line, don't they? Even if they don't, I always thought they did, and this was a gift from a friend who I believe ganked it from their mom's house. Now that I'm drinking this and I see that it's not Weight Watchers, I'm a bit disappointed. I don't need diet pop in my life, especially something that looks like it could be a store brand. If I had to review every low rent diet soda in the world, I would probably quit Thirsty Dudes. I don't have the taste buds for it. If I decided to stick it out and reviewed all of the diet orange soda in the world, I bet 99% of them would taste exactly the same. This can does not fall in that magical 1%. Sure it's nicely carbonated and it smells very orangey, but the fake orange flavor plays second fiddle to the gross death taste of Splenda. I don't know how people drink this stuff. I seriously believe that in 50 years they will find out that Splenda and other artificial sweeteners are way worse for you than actual sugar.

Dear Drain, Meet Diet Soda. I hope the two of you have a happy life together.

Waist Watcher? More like weight watcher? Am I right? What, sir? Oh, that's the gag? Oh, well I guess that's not a great joke. Well, have you had this stuff? I mean, come on, people, ginger ale? More like ginger pale, Am I right? Oh, pale ginger ale exists? Geez, tough crowd. Well, alright. How about this one? If you're fat, you shouldn't be drinking pop to begin with. Bam! Sir, please give me a break. I've only been doing comedy for seventeen years. I can't get it right all the time. I wrote this material on the plane ride over from Sandusky and they served this on the plane. I mean, come on. What plane doesn't have Coke or Pepsi? It seems like an industry standard. This stuff, it's like fake carbonated sugar only. The only ginger ale you get is when you burp and although burping is fun, it's hardly worth the effort and torture it takes to drink this.

Alright sir, I've been working on this bit for a while, try it on for size. Did you hear about this Lorena Bobbitt lady? You have? Hmm. Well you've been a wonderful crowd, that's my five...er...one minute. Good night!