Celsius Apple Orchard Blend

Something must have gone terribly awry at ye olde apple orchard. You see I have this can of Celsius fitness drink that was made from the harvest of the orchard and it tastes like the entire orchard was marinated in pesticides, or that it was stewing in napalm. Perhaps this is actually made from the soil of the orchard that old apples had rotted in to. No I think it's actually apples covered in napalm. You see this has only the faintest apple taste to it. I think that might even be a stretch. In a blind taste test I would never in a million years be able to pick out that this is supposed to be apple flavored. It literally tastes like poison, like I'm drinking some fluid that is supposed to go in a car, but someone has apple artificial sweetener to it. I can't believe I finished the can earlier. I just needed to keep up the energy so Mike and I could talk all night scheming of what our plan of attack would be if we ever made it on to the TV show "Take the Money and Run." I bet we could totally get away with it. We're crafty and being imprisoned for 48 hours doesn't scare us. We're strong willed. Oh yeah, we were also riding our bikes for several hours while we were discussing this. Now It's almost 4 hours later. I'm sore, I'm all hyped up, and I can still taste this poison on my tongue. For shame Celsius. You can do better than this.