Crayons Sports Drink Playoff Punch

Look son, I don't know how else to say this, but you've been sucking this season at T-ball. I'm sorry, but as your daddy, I feel like I should be the one to tell you. You're not the worst kid on the team, but I feel like even the worst player on the team could have caught that pop fly you missed by a good ten feet today. Are you alright? Do you need glasses? Do you need me to take you to that new giant glasses store on the Boulevard and get you a pair of specs? I will. If there is anything I can do to increase your T-ball stats, please, let me know. I know you're only eight, but money is no object. Todd, Kenny's daddy, asked me if you were feeling alright. You know how I felt at that moment? Humiliated.

What's that? You're just thirsty and you are thinking of drinks when you are on the field? Well, I guess that just plain old water isn't doing the trick before a game so let's see what we've got here. Oh, hey, you like drawing, right? Well I just found this drink called Crayons so you can let it draw a line to your throat and you can draw me the size of the trophy case you want after you start playing like a champ again. Flavor? Oh, it's punch. You like fruit punch, right? Sure you do. You're eight. Salty? I wouldn't use that as an adjective to describe a drink. Let me try that. Fruity and...Oh, there it is. You're right. Salty. If you like that, I have some pretzels that you can have if you think that it will get you out of this rut of crappy T-ball playing. You're right. Aside from the light saltiness, it's pretty good. It certainly went down fast enough. It's like kids Gatorade. Also, strangely, for something listed as "all natural", you would think that there would be more than 0% fruit juice.

How are you feeling, buddy. Are you glad we have this talk? I am. You're going to do great next week. We can practice all day so you do better and not humiliate me any more.