Crayons - 5 Reviews

Look son, I don't know how else to say this, but you've been sucking this season at T-ball. I'm sorry, but as your daddy, I feel like I should be the one to tell you. You're not the worst kid on the team, but I feel like even the worst player on the team could have caught that pop fly you missed by a good ten feet today. Are you alright? Do you need glasses? Do you need me to take you to that new giant glasses store on the Boulevard and get you a pair of specs? I will. If there is anything I can do to increase your T-ball stats, please, let me know. I know you're only eight, but money is no object. Todd, Kenny's daddy, asked me if you were feeling alright. You know how I felt at that moment? Humiliated.

What's that? You're just thirsty and you are thinking of drinks when you are on the field? Well, I guess that just plain old water isn't doing the trick before a game so let's see what we've got here. Oh, hey, you like drawing, right? Well I just found this drink called Crayons so you can let it draw a line to your throat and you can draw me the size of the trophy case you want after you start playing like a champ again. Flavor? Oh, it's punch. You like fruit punch, right? Sure you do. You're eight. Salty? I wouldn't use that as an adjective to describe a drink. Let me try that. Fruity and...Oh, there it is. You're right. Salty. If you like that, I have some pretzels that you can have if you think that it will get you out of this rut of crappy T-ball playing. You're right. Aside from the light saltiness, it's pretty good. It certainly went down fast enough. It's like kids Gatorade. Also, strangely, for something listed as "all natural", you would think that there would be more than 0% fruit juice.

How are you feeling, buddy. Are you glad we have this talk? I am. You're going to do great next week. We can practice all day so you do better and not humiliate me any more.

Marky, move the launch ramp slightly to the left. I want to make sure I don't land on my mom's flowers. What do you mean I'm going to land on them anyways? Haven't you ever seen me skate before? I'd be pro if I could just get an audience with the head of some company. Just to prove it to you I'm going to launch over my dad's new car. First let me down this can of Crayons. It will give me the extra energy I need. Hmm this stuff is actually pretty good. It has the consistency of watered down Gatorade, but twice the flavor. It's got that weird blue raspberry flavor that tastes like it should come from a real fruit, but raspberries don't taste like that at all. In fact I like this a lot. Guys, you won't believe this. It says right on the can not to launch over your dad's car OR your mom's roses. Looks like this little show is off. What's that Tommy? You're right, those aren't roses they are petunias. Here I go.....

It's a hot summer day, it's like ten million degrees out, and there is just sweat pouring down your face. It just so happens your stuck at your dad's work picnic. Your friend's dads have their work picnics at awesome amusement parks, where the kids just ride the ride all day. Your dad's place of employment of course rents out a section of the local park....booooooorrrrriiiiinnng. You got excited earlier because you discovered there was a giant fruit salad (that didn't have bananas in it, because they are the devil's fruit). You went to get a giant bowl full and were then told by some random secretary that it was for adults only. Confusion takes over; your parents always lectured you about eating a lot of fruit, so how could this be adult only. That goes against everything you've ever learned. You are then told that some jag-off dumped two bottled of vodka into that delicious fruit. Damn adults! Oh wait what is this? There is a watermelon that has been untainted? Yes! You grab the biggest wedge and just dive right into it, spitting seeds everywhere while the juice dribbles down your chin. This is what summer is about. Now remember that flavor, and then pour a little of your drink on the sidewalk for your fallen friend. As we all know there is a curse that has been put upon watermelon. It tastes so delicious in it's natural form. Unfortunately, no one has been able to make a proper juice. Every time someone tries it either tastes too watery, or it tastes like a watermelon Jolly Rancher (and no one wants to drink that).
Now on to the review. This really should have been called "Wild Berries & Watermelon," because it's the berry flavor that really runs this show. It's a nice blackberry taste. Unfortunately there is a little hint of that Jolly Rancher flavor sneaking around in the aftertaste. When will someone get it right?

Of course I woke up sick today. It's only a cold mind you, but it is New Years Eve. I'm going to fight my way through this with a strict regiment of juice. I will float this sickness out through my bladder. That's just what you want to hear when you're looking for a drink review isn't it?
This is a pretty standard fruit punch. This reminds me of the stuff they used to feed us in elementary school. You don't believe me that I remember? Maybe I have the world's craziest memory. Maybe I remember everything. Or, maybe I'm just assuming this is what that tasted like. I have no idea. I'm sick, remember?

I have yet again fallen victim to thinking that everything that comes in a tiny can being carbonated. It ends up that this is a bunch of juice concentrates mixed together with some vitamins and minerals. It tastes like a very light orange juice. It's as if they made watered down orange juice taste good.
I may have been fooled by the non-carbonation, but I understand hey packaged it in this way to give kids the appearance that they are partaking in a big boy drink. Anything that gets kids to drink more juice I'm okay with.