Honest Fizz Lemon Limey

Marshall, you are a good dude but you've got some faults. You are a great runner but you...well Marshall. I don't know any other way to tell you this, but you stink. I think, and this is coming from love, that the reason that you are winning all these races is because the kids you're racing against are coughing and they aren't hearing the signal to go off. Now, you're not obese but you could stand to lose some weight. Look, like I said, you're doing great. You are a fast runner but I don't know if you're fast because you are actually fast or you are fast because you are stinking all your opponents to high heaven.

I don't know what you eat or drink but I've got a suggestion. Two actually. One is that you take a shower. I can actually see a strand of spaghetti in your hair that has been there for three days at least. You're covered in what I can only assume are ketchup and mustard stains. Maybe you should cut back on the hot dogs, buddy. Since we're talking about cutting things out, a quick way to lose some weight is to cut out some of the pop in your diet. No more of this twenty-ounce pop before each race thing. I'm helping you more than you know. Here, try this. I've been drinking it for a while now and I like it. Sure it's a little "modern diet" because you can taste the Erytritol and Stevia but it's better than your mama's diet cola. It tastes like a pretty regular lemon lime pop which is saying a lot since it's zero calories.

Now look, today and today only. Stink up the joint and bring us to county finals. Then the change begins. Now get out of here before I throw up and if I see that spaghetti in your hair tomorrow you're off the team. You hear me, Marshall, off the team.