Killer Buzz Dragon Spit

The dragons are unhappy, my friend. You best beware. Why? Well it's because we have been shooting arrows at them when they fly above us. I don't know why they are surprised. They step on our buildings, eat our cattle, and use the townspeople as toothpicks. Not to mention they burp fire constantly so we're always putting out fires. Arrows are going light if you ask me. We should be using cannons or a Trebuchet or something but the ammunition is far too expensive to waste on dragons since it doesn't do much. Recently they have been just sitting at the edge of town and spitting on the townspeople as they leave to go outside to hunt and such. It's a real jerk move if you ask me. They're just sitting out there, literally sitting and spitting at people. It's downright disrespectful. I think I would rather fight them than have them use me as a spittoon.

Did you hear what the town wizard said, though? He said that the dragon spit actually has magical powers if you ingest it. It sounds so gross but I actually went out there, mooned a dragon, and he spit on me. I was covered head to toe. I came home and rung my clothes out into some pots so you and I could try it. Here is a glass of spit for you and a glass of spit for me. You got more in your cup because I got spit on and don't deserve to drink as much. Bottoms up, friend.

You know what? It's not bad. I really thought that it was going to be so much worse. I've been in pub fights where someone has spit on me and I've had my own spit and it's not anything that I would think of drinking in a million years. That darn wizard is usually right about this type of thing so that's why we're sitting here drinking an actual dragon's spit. You know what this tastes like? Have you had the mythical drink Mountain Dew? How about the mythical drink Red Bull? No? This guy came through town claiming he was from the future and brought us a case of both. No one really liked it but I've got to say, this is a better version of both of them mixed together. It makes both of them stomachable. The flavors of both are so intense on their own but together they kind of battle each other down to fifty percent of what they are alone. I don't know if I'd make a habit of drinking my soiled clothes every time I got to the forest to get berries, but I might get less mad. It's rumored to give us energy, too, which we could either choose to fight the dragons, a dumb idea, or run from the dragons which seems like a better idea.

What do you think? Good right? Man, how does that wizard know what he does? He probably sits in that cave-house of his and eats and drinks everything and just records the outcome of each. That sounds gross if you think that part of everything is dirt, rocks, and stuff. Crazy dude. Helpful, but a little crazy.

What are those dragons doing now? Throwing mud at the townspeople? What a bunch of jerks. Seriously. Dragons. They're the worst.