LifeAid GolferAid

I've been groundskeeper of Bushwood Country Club for quite a few years now. Sure before that I was jocking out in Tibet, but that was only briefly. I mean when the Dalai Lama promises you total consciousness, there's really nowhere else to learn there. So here I am at Bushwood and I have to be honest most of the clientele around here are low-grade amateurs. They swing. They hit. They get stuck in the sand trap. Day in and day out it's the same thing. I just sit back and smile politely. I'm no dummy they are the ones with the cash and I live off the tips.

Lately Ty Webb, the only decent golfer I've seen on these lynx in years has been talking up this Golfer Aid drink. He says it's the secret of his game. Who am I to argue? The man has the focus of a statue. You should hear the weird noses he makes on the green. Along with focus, Mr. Webb has been telling everyone that it improves your balance, flexibility, strength, stamina and endurance. Sounds to me like if you drink it you're going to turn into the Hulk or something, but I promised him I'd give it the old college try, and Carl Spackler is a man of his word.

Hmm. This stuff tastes odd in the best possible way. It has to be the agave, but it's sweet in a very specific way that I can really dig. It actually reminds me of that Brain Toniq I tried a few months back. That was also supposed to improve focus, so maybe this is pure focus that I taste. Is this what my deathbed is going to taste like? I sure hope so. I do feel a tad more clarified. Perhaps this would be the best time to go out again and try to kill that darn gopher. He's been plaguing me long enough. With this extra brainpower he should be a corpse and I bet I'll be able to get in a quick back nine before it gets too dark to see. Mr. Webb sure is a smart man. Funny too. I made it through this whole can and I already want another. It's nice. It really just tastes like agave and it's lightly carbonated. I didn't expect that. With a name with "aid" at the end I was expecting some sorts of sports drink, but this is the sophisticated man's sports drink. It's meant for the upper class, and that is what I am for the day. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.