Schweppes Seltzer Raspberry Lime

Samantha, you've got to stop it with the diet pop. Really? Breakfast, lunch and dinner? That's absurd. You have your weight under control but who knows what that stuff is doing to you on top of the fact that your teeth look like you've stupidly replaced them with individual pieces of corn. Yeah, I said it. No one else in this office is going to say anything. I feel like I've got to stand up and address the yellow toothed elephant in the room. We've been working together at this office for years and I have watched you lose a lot of weight and for that I commend you. I could stand to drop a solid dub but I'm not as regimented as some of the guys in here going to the gym at lunch breaks.

I have a gift for you, Samantha. It's something different. It's something without any artificial sweeteners, colors and junk. It's just sparkling flavor. What flavors, you ask? Why raspberries and limes, those two cats. Now I have seen you in the cafeteria eating fruit before while reading Gawker on you phone until the second before your lunch break ends so I know that I'm not barking up the wrong tree. Try it. I bought one earlier and though you might like this.

It's good, right? It's not to...seltzery. It's got a good raspberry taste with a slight lime taste. It's sparkling and, if anything, cleaning your teeth rather than just covering them is "caramel coloring" which seems like an unnecessary ingredient. No, it's not the best seltzer I've ever had but it was there and I thought you might enjoy a nice change.

You like it? Great. Are you going to stop it with the diet cola? You will? Wait...what? How many cases? You have seventeen cases of diet cola in your apartment? Oh yeah, I understand that they were on sale but let me save you even more money. Stop buying them, Samantha. Look. I just saved you the sale price of seventeen cases of vile drinks. You're welcome, twice.